Self-Acceptance Diaries

I believe that positive Body Image is very important for healing your relationship with food. However I still struggle with it- even though I do daily work to accept where I am now.

I have a hard time accepting my size and freaking humungous chest and not perfectly toned legs.

I can totally see that logically… it is a little silly.

Yet, I can’t help but believe that in time my weight will probably settle a little lower, and that I may be resting heavier than my natural weight. But, I cannot absolutely know that. And I need to be ok with that. And waiting for it to happen is not acceptance. And all my thoughts now are that hoping weight go down will only backfire and actually was the thing that created the problem in the first place!

Continually hating where I am now will be agony.

The surest way to happiness is this path of intuitive eating I am on- and every moment I can muster it: total body acceptance.

I am relatively new to my badass eating regime. And my eating gets more and more normal and enjoyable by the day, but I sometimes find myself wincing that my body is holding onto a few extra pounds. And then I recommit to surrender and acceptance.

So, what I would like to do, instead of pretending to be an authority and that I have already personally mastered self-acceptance, is to write about my Body Image journey.

Recent Musing

Whenever I notice that I my mind is running away and  thinking in terms of “when I am thinner” or I’m frustrated with where I am or nervous that what I am doing is absolutely reckless and that I’ll regret it when I am obese- I recommit. 

I think that is what Body Acceptance takes, especially in the beginning: constant recommitment.

I recommit to surrendering fully to my body and to its wisdom.

I surrender to wherever my body needs to be right now, for however long it needs to be here.

7 comments

  1. Jay Bazuzi says:

    Why do you believe you are 5 to 10 lbs heavier than you should be? It’s possible that the reverse is true: that you body needs to *gain* weight to reach its ideal. Would you resist or resent that? Or would you trust your body to find its ideal weight, even if that’s outside of what you expect?

    • Caroline says:

      Hey Jay! Of course it is possible. But the purpose of my acceptance journey is coming to terms with that possibility. It doesn’t matter how many times I logically understand the concept- it is hard for me, and others, to actually change the perceptions and connotations of higher than “acceptable” (whatever that means to different people) weight. And to live in the moment instead of expecting it to be better when ___________. You know? However, I KNOW and BELIEVE in 100% acceptance of everything, always, ever! But, in my experience, it takes a constant recommitment and attention and examining of limiting beliefs. I also hate to say it…. but in general, I think women’s body image stuff runs a little bit deeper than some men even logically comprehend, in the way of feelings of “worth” etc. Again, not a rule, but generally. It’s hard!

  2. Camila says:

    This is the really hard part. I think a healthy body will reflect it’s ‘purpose’, without a particular look to it. A womanly body with not too much extra weight but softness is reflecting fertility, easy going-ness, perhaps a social life/fulfillment that keeps one from the cupboards. An athletic one reflects the type of exercise performed (she can do pull ups/she likes to sprint/she is a rower/she is a tennis player). One that is overweight can go two ways: “fuck it, I like food and love it!” or “I am too sedentary, and am not fulfilled by other things, and lack a balanced diet” (it is possible to eat too much ‘real food’ as well if it’s just untamed eating).

    I have to remember that when I have regained my health (doctor has approved me to exercise again, mental stability intact) that it’s not about tweaking the washboard abs or rounding the butt. It’s about loving cross fit (or whatever), and space for other areas in my life that do not involve the kitchen that will bring me to what my body is meant to look like. And I trust will look good, but know it won’t be like a magazine cover.

  3. Kait says:

    I have no problem saying F it and eating everything I love but acceptance is a lot harder. I will repeat this surrender mantra as I try on my jeans that are getting a bit snug. It’s a process for sure, thank you for this reminder!

  4. Jay says:

    Hi Caroline!
    I would love to see a “defense of not eating fruits and vegetables every time you eat”! I have no problem eating most everything that used to be on my forbidden list, but I still have this crazy guilt and feeling that I need to eat fruits with breakfast and vegetables at lunch/dinner. LIke not small amounts either…raw and paleo made me feel like I need a bucket of greens every time I eat even if I’m not really feeling it, and I eat them and clearly don’t need that amount, but keep eating to clean my plate because they are greens and if I don’t eat them my skin will break out or some other idiot myth.

    Keep up the great blog, love it!

  5. Helen says:

    Holy crap I am so mad! Thank you Caroline for your advice to go to body positive stuff on the net. I am 45 and have spent 30 years (at least) chasing a crazy myth that’s caused me more pain than probably anything else in my life-thin is the only beautiful. Why aren’t these images of all kinds of beautiful everywhere. That’s it from today I am shunning magazines. I am also going to let my body decide where it sits and be gorgeous doing it- even when I’m not! I’ve been studying all this leaving behind diets for a couple of years now – given it a go, put on weight and fervently dieted down again. I think I might have just had a light bulb moment. Got your books and I’m good to go, the rules of IE were just doing my fucking head in as much as all my crazy diets!!!

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