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Lots of people ask me, “ok — I can get behind the “no dieting” thing, but aren’t there foods that are inherently … shitty? Shouldn’t I still avoid shitty food, even while I’m “not dieting”?

Here’s the thing –  and it’s important: If I told you stop dieting but to try and avoid or even limit “shitty food,” that would first of all, be a rule, which is a diet, which would turn into restriction in many people’s heads and fuck up their eating anyway.

But people would also think, oh jeez… So there IS food that I should be eating and food I shouldn’t be eating? But which food is shitty food? I thought we were neutralizing food? What will happen to me if I do eat it? If it’s a sometimes thing, how often is it okay to eat shitty food? Should I really just avoid shitty food always?  

And that way of thinking is not the Fuck It Diet, and it will not help you.

Look, let me play devil’s advocate with myself. If we zoom way out: We have polluted our planet and our food and our water and our air and our soil and our homes. We have. It’s a fact. It goes way, way deeper than food or packaged food or “shitty food”. There are way worse things in the air than whatever food additive you’re afraid of or whatever fried food you’re avoiding. Pollution is everywhere. I could make you afraid of drinking water and taking a breath and taking a shower. But that would not help you. 

You could easily spend every moment of your day thinking about it and worrying about it and trying to avoid all pollution – but you cannot avoid it. You can’t. It’s a dark reality.

I actually care deeply about environmental sustainability, and cleaning up our planet, but I also care deeply about helping people heal disordered eating and restore their mental health and quality of life, and focus on resilience instead of fear.

In a way, pollution and disordered eating are both issues of quality of life, and they aren’t mutually exclusive. You can feed yourself organic foods when you want or when it is possible, you can vote with your dollar, (if you have the luxury and privilege of being able to afford it), you can volunteer for environmental sustainability groups and charities, and eat packaged snacks when that’s what you crave, or when that’s all that’s available.

We can and should be able to do both.

Food perfectionism has gotten you nowhere. Stress over the food you eat is arguably worse for you than the food itself. Stress has been shown to change gut microbiota, can shut down or slow digestion, and raise inflammation. The lining of the gut is literally a part of our nervous system, and every process in our body is interconnected. Stress physically affects your body, your nervous system, and your bodily functions and processes.

On the other hand, under calmer circumstances, our bodies are wired and equipped to take the good from food and process out the bad. These are all reasons to just surrender during this process and let yourself eat whatever food you want, “whole” or “shitty” or somewhere in between.

Fuck it, listen to your body, and eat the funfetti.

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Maintaining a low weight is one of my core values. How am I supposed to be happy if I sacrifice one of my core values?

I have heard something like this again and again, and I think… maintaining a low weight is one of your core values? Like treating others the way you’d want to be treated and being honest?

Maintaining a low weight is not a core value. It’s a fear-based ingrained societal standard, created to make money off of your insecurities. Keeping your weight below where it wants to be relies on fear and fixation. The only thing we like about it is the high of fitting in, getting praise, feeling safe, and the temporary relief that comes when we reach a goal weight. Whew, now everyone will leave me alone and approve of me. Now I’llllll leave me alone.

That’s until it isn’t good enough anymore, or we gain it back and feel horrible about ourselves, and the cycle continues.

Better focuses like health, self-care, movement, eating what feels good, and dressing yourself in clothes you like aren’t even core values. They are, however, awesome ways to take care of yourself. Feeling healthy and strong and embodied is a perfectly legitimate desire or goal, but living in a constant food and weight obsession is not.

“Staying healthy and thin/fit” as a core value also relies on the belief that health and weight are fully within your control, and that controlling your food and weight will actually lead to better health – all things that that have been proven untrue. Goals and core values that are more self-loving and self-forgiving will almost certainly end up being better for your overall health anyway.

A core value that’ll serve you better is “prioritizing your needs” or “taking care of yourself,” and if you have a weight obsession or eating disorder, prioritizing your needs is gonna look a lot like The Fuck It Diet and eating what you want.

You have every right to remain someone who judges your daily worth based on your weight, but it’s not gonna be fun for very long.

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How expensive is this whole thing? I am just supposed to let myself eat anything, anytime, anywhere? How can I afford this? Will I spend all my money out at restaurants? Or will I have to make everything at home?! How do I grocery shop now that nothing is off limits? How will I know what I’m going to crave in a few days?

Woa! Calm down! First of all, there is nothing more expensive than being on a diet. Diet food and low-calorie food is often marked up to be way more expensive than normal food (when most normal food is more filling because it usually has more calories).

But yes, staying alive on enough food costs money. And you’ll need to prioritize that if you want to heal. Frugality is sometimes a necessity but beware of the irrational fear of spending money on food. I’ve known people who had that as part of their disordered eating. Someone I knew in college refused to eat any food unless it was free and they didn’t have to pay for it. It was an eating disorder, but they were able to formally call it a financial decision.

Everyone on TFID will be in totally different financial situations, so, like all things, it will need to be tailored to what you can access and afford.

And when I say eat whatever you want, in any quantities, I don’t mean that if you crave a lobster feast and strawberry shortcake at 11 am in the middle of winter, that you need to go get that for yourself. I mean… you can, but you also can and should satiate your hunger and cravings with what’s around, and what you can afford. Maybe you can compromise with some lemony, buttery seafood for dinner, with some sort of cake or cookie and fruit.

If you have never grocery shopped for what you want, as opposed to what is on your diet, there is going to be a learning curve. You are going to have to try things out. Get things you think you’ll like. And next week, edit your choices depending on what you learned, what you liked, didn’t like, what you wanna try and have around this week. Or try going food shopping more often. If you’re looking for cheap ways to make sure you get in lots of calories, look to build meals around rice and potatoes, bread and peanut butter and cheese. See? Can’t do that on your diet.

It’s that simple. But I get it, I am a terrible grocery shopper, and also a really basic cook. But my first two years of The Fuck It Diet included a lot of sourdough bread and cheese, avocado toast, and granola and ice cream. So much ice cream that my original secret Fuck It Diet pen name was Caroline Haagen (as in Haagen Dasz ice cream brand). Now I sometimes make elaborate vegetable stews from scratch.

If you are like most people and can’t afford to eat your favorite foods out at restaurants all the time, welcome to the world. You need to learn to cook the things you like and save eating out for special occasions. Or just eat sourdough sharp cheddar grilled cheeses for a year like me. If you’re cooking for a family, navigating your cravings with your kids and partner will probably always be hard, but maybe now that you can eat Macaroni and Cheese, some nights will get easier.

And you may not always have what you crave in your pantry, so you’ll either go out and get it, or make do with what you do have. If you can make grilled cheese, you can do this. I believe in you.