Today, just for fun, I’m going to outline my own food journey, hopefully so you can see how freaking long it took.
You probably shouldn’t compare your journey to my journey. That’s just a general rule of happiness.
(Also, I have often hesitated to mention my age for fear that people wouldn’t listen to me. But to take my own advice: Fuck it.)
Ages 1-13 – Childhood binge eater. My top goal of every day and every event was to get snacks and eat as much as I could before the authorities noticed.
14-18 – Puberty/Diagnosed with PCOS. Major dieting. Low Carb. Body dysmorphia, exercise bulimic, very restrictive, extreme cycles between dieting and bingeing.
18– Read Intuitive Eating, realized I was totally disordered. Told my mom I was going to try to eat normally. She told me she had cancer. We both became vegetarian the next day.
Became raw vegan a week after that. Binged on dates (the fruit), and agave, and coconut oil and raw cacao every night. Spent $82903929039329039 dollars on raw vegan treats that made me poop a lot. Skin was horrible so I decided to cut out all sugar for a while (while being raw vegan). Skin still horrible so I decided to only eat fruit for 3 months. Brought Fruit Salad to Christmas dinner and proudly sat there eating it while everyone else tried to be polite.
19- Decided I needed to stop being raw vegan and learn to eat normally again – planned on exercising a lot during the transition. Started eating lots of Whole Foods vegan cupcakes. Sprained ankle when my brother double bounced me on my little cousin’s trampoline. Gained lots of weight. Watched every season of Sex and the City while I rested my ankle. Major body hate. Never went to physical therapy because I was into The Secret at the time and thought I could “think my ankle better”. Didn’t work. Muscles atrophied and I pinched my sciatic nerve.
No bras fit that year. I spent the year in GAP Body Sport Bras.
20-22 – Tried pseudo intuitive eating. Became obsessed with eating like a french woman. Ate lots of yogurt. Wore lots of scarves. Obsessed with being thin. Thin was the ultimate goal. Thought I was healed and normal with food. Ha.
Drank lots of wine.
23- Became paleo but promised myself I wouldn’t get obsessed. Got obsessed. Digestion got horrible. Tried to cut out all carbs/sugar. Then did the GAPS diet where I only ate bone broth for a while. Major orthorexic relapse. Had a mental breakdown when I went to my employer’s house for dinner and was afraid of the spices they used on the sweet potatoes.
Bingeing. Bingeing. Bingeing. Body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia
24 – January. Birthday epiphany. (I know, I was young). Fuck It. Realized that the reason that my intuitive eating before was always only pseudo, was because of my fear of gaining weight.
Decided to gain as much weight as my body would, decided to eat everything until it fixed my body and mind. Still afraid of Gluten.
24 – May. Read The Artist’s Way. Started The Fuck It Diet Website and Blog (hello!). Ate bread.
Quit performing “forever”. Got full time job as receptionist hoping I could enjoy normal life and happy hours and stuff. Gained more weight. Learning to eat normally. Kept affirming that I needed to take up space physically and otherwise.
25 – A year + into the Fuck It Diet, I randomly remembered EFT/Tapping and used it on my lingering Body Image Fears.
26 – Feeling so good with body image stuff, not sure why. Realized it was the EFT… started sharing with my readers to use Energy Work on lingering blocks/triggers/mental restriction. Extremely normal with eating.
Gained some weight after a break up. Didn’t care. Major win.
Lost a LOT of weight after another break up. Didn’t realize why.
27- Gained weight again once I wasn’t sad anymore.
Now on my Two Years of Rest. The Fuck It Diet changed my life so much, that I am now going even further. I’m stepping out of the stress rat race. I am resting physically and emotionally.
I’m really into finding radical ways to not be so miserable, and sharing them with you.
Thanks for listening to my journey. I’m gonna go lie down….