I was taught, just like most people, that thin was healthy, and not-thin was not-healthy.
I was also taught that thin was beautiful and that not-thin was not beautiful.
And that if for some reason you were living your life at a not-thin and “not-optimal” weight, then you should do everything you could to make sure your clothes are as “flattering” as possible to give the illusion of as much thinness as your current condition will allow.
It turns out that not only is that fucking messed up and infantilizing and glamorizing the bodies of women who look like they can’t digest food, but it’s all relatively new. We learned that ‘skinniness is beauty’ only in the last century, and we’ve subscribed to it.
What that means is that we can unlearn it. Just like you learned to like, and then unlike, bell bottoms… you can learn and unlearn to see different body types as beautiful. What I would encourage you to do, is to expand your definition of what beauty is, instead of just trying to change it.
My newfound willingness to accept wherever my weight fell was the thing that made this work.
Accepting your weight and totally relearning the way you see yourself will, without a doubt, be the hardest part of this journey.
You have already tried to fight your weight, maybe even for decades, and now here you are, probably still secretly hoping that The F It Diet will give you the key to unlocking your tiny body…
No. It’s not. What this whole thing will unlock for you, however, is the body and weight you are supposed to have, plus your best chance at a normal appetite, a normal relationship with food, and weight stabilization.
If you think that letting your weight fall where it may is unacceptable, you’re still in denial about what trying to control your weight has done to you and will continue to do to you and your weight and heart and mind for the rest of your life.
If your weight still keeps ending up higher than it was when you started your diet, that’s all thanks to your survival mechanism and starvation response, and it is purposely upping your weight in preparation for the next famine. That will keep happening.
When I tell you your best bet is to drop the fight, I really mean it. More dieting and more attempts to lower your weight is just going to do the opposite of what you want it to do.
The best option is to accept where your body wants to be, treat your body well, feed it, love it, and let it calm down. You will probably end up somewhere in the middle of where you’ve yo-yoed. You may spend some time at the top of where you’ve yo-yoed. You really can’t do anything about it. You’ve tried.
Your body is gonna keep fighting back until you are an old woman, complaining about her pant size. And we deserve better passions than our pant size. So you may as well learn to befriend it.
I know this is all easier said than done. I know there is way more fear, and social stigma, personal judgment, and health fear, and more that goes into doing this. I know it’s not simple, but there is no other option except continuing the mania and misery you are experiencing right now. Your choice.