WHY is The Fuck It Diet different than other mindful eating or intuitive eating programs?

WHY did I try to heal myself with intuitive eating for 6 YEARS, and fail, but then The Fuck It Diet worked?

Weight.

Meaning, every other time I tried to “heal my eating”, I was still trying to control my weight, even if I wasn’t aware of it.

Mainstream intuitive eating doesn’t deliberately take the focus off of weight.

Sometime weight is explicit (“eat what you want and stay fit!”) and sometimes not (“Just listen to your body, don’t diet!”) but the underlying goal for most people intuitive eating is an alternative way to become or stay skinny.

And all those attempts, I still hoped that if I really listened to my body, that I wouldn’t eat much and I’d become my thin version of myself. That was what I still really wanted.

Not healing. Not unconditional self-love. Not rebellion and revolution and happiness and genuine empowerment.

But TININESS. CONTROL. BEAUTY. APPROVAL. FITTING IN.

And that doesn’t really work. Tininess, control, beauty, approval, fitting in… that’s not happiness. That’s not health. That’s not vibrant joy.

Michelle Lowbridge, an amazing Kinesiologist whose cool program I am in, says that the energetic place we want to get to is Radiating Brilliance. And I’ll tell you, controlling your eating so you eat a tiny amount so you can be tiny and fit into this society’s warped expectation of women is NOT Radiating Brilliance.

So what was the difference when I decided to go on The Fuck It Diet?

Fuck It. I am not going to try to control my weight anymore.

No. I really mean it. I know part of me thinks that by doing this I WILL eventually lose weight, but fuck that too. Fuck my trying to be this perfect little beautiful thing that can dissappear into the abyss of my fantasy of perfection. FUCK IT.

I just finally knew that my attempt to control my weight was the thing making me miserable. I knew it. Finally.

I realized that I had beliefs about weight that were completely learned. Completely untrue. Completely unhelpful and were making my life miserable.

And I knew that the only option for normalcy, was to let go of weight control, and see what happened.

I had the feeling that if I could do that, then finally things would normalize. Finally I wouldn’t have to think about eating at all. I wouldn’t have to think about my body because I’d accept it no matter what, even if it was hard. Even if it was challenging. Even if I doubted it.

And it worked.

And that is the difference between Intuitive Eating and The Fuck It Diet.

This is Lucy’ story, she is a member of my 6 Month Life Recovery Program and has suffered from anorexia. She shared this story in the Group and gave me permission to cobble it into a post for you guys.

She followed Minnimaud guidelines, which is like the Fuck It Diet for severe restrictive eating disorders. If talk of calorie minimums is confusing, it’s just because Minnimaud focuses on having calorie minimums (NOT maximums). It is the same concept as The Fuck It Diet, just with more structure in the beginning to make sure you’re actually doing it and eating enough. The ultimate goal is always food ease and food freedom.

 

Enjoy!

 

I’ve had an awesome shift the past week or so. Suddenly I am not caring about food- but most importantly not thinking about food rules or anything food or body-related.

This is such a weird feeling after so many years of thinking about and controlling what goes into my mouth!

I am not trying to change myself through food or fitness anymore and this means I am just living life without the drain of food/body preoccupation. It is really hard to explain but it’s the coolest thing ever! It’s like I am still me and I am still living my life and having cool experiences but now there is no layer of body/food thoughts to drag me down anymore. It’s just me doing my thing. I feel free and content and there is a total absence of anxiety.

I recently bought a load more clothes for my larger body and I am completely happy with how I look, now, or if I gain more weight in the future. None of it matters because what I look like doesn’t have a bearing on my happiness. It just isn’t an issue anymore. And it is SO WEIRD that I feel like this after hating myself for so many years when I was a lot slimmer!

This is how I did the food part:

I made myself have 2500 calories as my minimum and made myself have no upper limit. I made a pact with my other half to never go below the minimum however much I ate the day before.

Being accountable to my bf really really helped me get through the tough times. In the early stages I think it is paramount to make yourself eat 2500. I completely endorse the minnimaud guidelines. I would have cheated and restricted if I didn’t have my bf there pushing me to go for it.

It’s funny because after counting minimums for a while I got sick of counting calories, because when you are eating enough it doesn’t really matter what the final number is. So basically, I think counting minimums is good so you have enough nourishment, but I think once you are committed to saying fuck it, then just go for it, stop the counting, and allow every craving you have. Your body will sort itself out and your mind can be free.

I also found that when I let go of controlling my food and knuckled down to the minimum intake I found I generally always went way over anyway because my body was like ‘yayyyyy foooood finally!’

I worked on my mindset and challenged all the restrictive beliefs on a daily basis.

I went through periods of feeling extremely depressed and thinking I had binge eating disorder.

I have had many days where I ate so much I felt sick, but I still let myself eat whenever I fancied something.

For months I have been eating cereal, cakes, flapjacks, everything I have ever restricted. Any time I find myself fearing a food I decide to conquer that fear and eat it. After a month or so of calorie counting I got bored and realised I don’t need to calorie count anymore and I decided to say fuck it and eat anything I wanted at anytime. No rules whatsoever.

The biggest change is when your mindset can allow all the food without guilt. I found my brain making me feel soooooo bad for sticking to the minimums but after a while I realised that it’s all nourishment and the only way to change your restrictive mindset is to eat and eat and deal with the feelings as they come up. The scariest thing is letting go.

I promise that all your fears will not happen. You will not get humongous. You will not get addicted to food. You have to eat an awful lot of food to heal both your mind and body.

The mind stuff I have been working on for about 2 years. I read and re read youreatopia and Caroline’s blog.

I made a tumblr account and signed up to body positive blogs and watched plus size fashion websites and followed Ashley Graham as much as possible to reframe what I thought beauty was.

I journal constantly and work out what my problems and issues are and what’s beneath the restrictive thoughts.

I cried to my bf and my sister and my mum an awful lot.

I stamped my feet and got angry.

I let myself feel my feelings (which I didn’t do before).

I stopped trying to be perfect (still working on that one).

I became completely honest with my loved ones and was more vulnerable than I have ever been. And I worked out what my life would be like without an eating disorder and made steps to be more social and say yes to every social event.

I think the biggest thing is the realisation that I do not need to control my body. It controls itself perfectly without my brain getting in the way. I also completely believe that health and wellbeing is about my social connections in this world and trying to control my food and weight gives my life no purpose or meaning whatsoever. Controlling food has given me no benefits and only made me more crazy. I never had to punish myself in the first place.

My mind made me think I had to restrict to be pretty or healthy and that is complete rubbish. I now feel pretty 3 sizes larger than I was, and my mind and body are so much healthier. But it is bloody hard to battle the negative thoughts. Take each day as it comes and always have faith in saying fuck it.

I want you to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Embrace the process. Let go of the control. Life is so much better without it.

My prescription for obsessive eating or orthorexia is : eat. Let go of any and all food rules and restriction and acceptable eating amounts. Eat more than you ever thought you should. Neutralize all foods. Allow binges (and by doing that, it becomes not a binge.)

Eat and eat and eat, and eat the things you are scared of, until eating is just eating and food is just food.

It works. Especially when you are supporting your emotions and fears, and helping create a new expansive identity beyond food and body obsession.

It heals your metabolism and fixation on food.

It is the way to get to true intuitive eating. Attuned eating. Eating where you are able to simply listen to your hunger and cravings and not judge them for not being healthy enough, or not being what you expected or heard was acceptable.

“Healthy Food”

Lots of people think Yea well, I’ll eat, but I’ll only eat good healthy foods.

I want to share my view on “healthy” and organic foods.

Besides the fact that “healthy” is subjective, and the healthiest thing for you is what you crave in this very moment. And therefore healthy changes from day to day depending on what you need….

I LOVE healthy and organic foods. Maybe selfishly, I truly wish we lived in a world where access to healthy, sustainably and humanely raised, organic, non GMO, real delicious buttery food was the norm. I wish we could get back there. I wish it was accessible to everyone. I wish that was the food we ate. At least I wish that was the food I found everywhere I go.

In general, I like that food better. It tastes better to me. It feels better to me. And, perk, it helps our planet too.

And I’m not talking about low cal BS. I’m talking the real stuff.

But… it still doesn’t help to fear the other stuff. The” shit food”, as I call it, it IS all neutral. It is important to eat that food when you want it. In whatever quantity you want it. Forevermore. It is important to enjoy it, release all fear of it, and enjoy it.

Remember this: Perfect health does not exist by eating perfect foods.

Sorry about it. Eating pure perfect foods isn’t the be all end all. If it was, I would have cured myself doing the paleo diet and I never would have started The Fuck It Diet. Perfect food (whatever that is) does not cure all our earthly woes and health problems. And some “shit food”, as I sometimes call it, will not ruin our health.

It just won’t.

As Linda Bacon says in Body Respect, what has more impact on our health than anything else is how much power, autonomy, and agency we have in our lives. Feeling stressed, marginalized, financial burdens, prejudice, and fear of the very things we are using to sustain our life force cause more health problems than any health habit.

Fearing food is not good for us.

Part of orthorexic or food obsession recovery is about  truly neutralizing food and weight. And that includes eating any and all food you want. Especially foods that scare you. Rancid fried oils in your nachos? Bring it on. It can not will not ruin your life or your health. It just doesn’t hold that much power.

Realizing that no one food has the power to heal or destroy you (unless you are legit allergic to it, in which case, more power to you! Become aware of that stuff. Thank your body for communicating so amazingly to you.)

Are rancid fried restaurant oils the best? Surely not. Does it matter in the big picture. NO.

Pop tarts might be just the thing for you. It will help you heal your fear of foods, it’ll let your whole being know you are feeding and taking care of yourself physically and emotionally, and it’ll do just as much work to speed up and repair your metabolism as a “healthier” food.

Intuitive Health Food

It is so essential to eat foods because you want and crave them. The best bet to getting to a place where you are really eating what you want and crave, is to get through all fear and food fixation. If you are eating wild salmon because you are forcing yourself to, as opposed to when you really really really want it, your health will flourish so much more from eating it when you crave and want it.

Organic, whole foods are great. I think you are great for your health, happiness, taste buds, and the planet, but trust your body when it wants other things. Trust this process.

Do not force health foods on yourself. Be open to eating and exploring them when you want them. Until then, realize that your nachos and pop tarts are exactly where you need to be. You can trust your body to lead you right. Give it time.