If you read any “mindful eating” advice, it will tell you that the keys to a good relationship with food are:

• Eat What You Want, When You’re Hungry
• Stop When You’re Satisfied

And I agree. After all, it is logical and natural- and following those guidelines will lead you to health and nourishment. In the right state the body should be able to do this no problem.

So why is it so hard? Why do people hear this advice and think I can’t trust myself to stop when I’m satisfied!? I’ll stuff myself! I can’t trust myself to listen to my own desires? I’ll never stop eating! I’ll only eat cookies!

Why It Hasn’t Worked

It has been so hard to trust yourself because your mind is still scared that food is scarce. The only reason stopping when you are full is hard, is because you are petrified you won’t feed yourself well in the future. And why shouldn’t you be? You haven’t seemed to be feeding yourself well in the past!

When you aren’t scared that you will deny yourself food in the future, stopping when you are satisfied is the pleasurable thing to do. And it is not a struggle or a fight.

That is why committing to not depriving food quantity or type is essential to intuitive eating. The body and mind know when you are tricking it; Well I’ll say I’m allowed to eat ice cream, but I better stop at 1/2 cup. If I can’t stop at a half a cup I must not be listening to my hunger anyway, because who would really be hungry for ice cream. Its not nutrition like liver or kale!

Fuck It. Seriously.

You will have an impossible time making peace with food, and letting yourself happily stop when you are good and satisfied if you are still telling yourself, Ok, I’ll let myself eat as much pasta as I want tonight, but I better not want this tomorrow too, because it can’t be good to have too much pasta two days in a row.

No! Your worried mind cannot know what you need. AND as long as you are making weird arbitrary rules you heard from Cosmo Magazine or The South Beach Diet, your body will not be able to relax and actually eat what it wants. And it will not be able to relax and actually stop when it wants.

Because truly, once you get used to it, it become easy.

The hard part, is being strong enough to get to the easy part.

So Where To Start?

1. Commit to letting yourself eat whatever you crave. Whatever. You. Crave.
2. Trust that it is a process and be in it for the journey. You won’t trust yourself overnight. It takes time.
3. Expect you may gain weight in the process- see it as part of the healing. Hard but often very necessary.

Trust Trust Trust.

Easier said than done, but Oh So Worth It.

I like to look at all the dumb diets I’ve gone on and see if I have at least learned anything from the miserable process.

• Vegetarianism turned me into a fish lover (CRAVED PROTEIN), when before I hated fish.
• Raw veganism… umm… made me to hate bananas for YEARS after. But on the plus side taught me what “cacao” was. (its chocolate. just a douche-y way of saying chocolate.)
• The “Rosedale diet” (In high school… which, now that I think about it is a small sect of Paleo: the leptin-obsessed variety) taught me how to lash out and binge on nut butter. A skill I have taken with me up until quite recently…

And more seriously, as dumb as going Paleo was, because I had already sworn off dieting (ugh. so upsetting). I learned a lot about fat. I already knew about industrial seed oils, and was pro-butter myself, but I don’t think I fully realized how healthy saturated fats really are- until Paleo.

And as they say, Fat Doesn’t Make You Fat. BUT, my addendum is: If you binge on it… it will. Obviously!!! Which is what I did. Because restrictive diets make me crazy.

But let’s begin, shall we?

Non-Animal Fats

Mainstream, conventional diet wisdom will currently vouch for non-saturated fats. (Nuts, seeds, avocados, olives) Finally, as they did not do this in the 80s and 90s when fat-free was King of the diet kingdom.

Canola oil (rapeseed), corn oil and soybean oil are seen as healthy by people who think the-less-saturated-fat-the-better (and also thanks to their industries’ lobbying). But it turns out now, that these oils are highly processed, rancid, and inflammatory and also have too-high levels of Omega-6. Our bodies do not thrive eating these oils in large quantities. I mean, how does one get the oil out of corn exactly? And yet, Whole Foods still uses Canola oil in a lot of their products and prepared foods.

I do not intend to be a fear-monger. The point I am making is to have healthy skepticism, eat real food liberally and shun questionable claims made by big industries who are pushing their products in the name of health. Because, apparently butter and lard would have sufficed all along.

That being said: Enjoy nuts and seeds and avocados and olives. Use olive oil. And when you go to restaurants, where I assure you they use soybean oil & friends in their cooking: Do not think of it. Your body will be fine if you enjoy your food. The end.

(May as well not cook with them though because they are stupid and fake and taste like crying children.)

Saturated Non-Animal Fats

Saturated fats are now said to be the most nourishing and anti-inflammatory. Coconut Oil would be one of them. Apparently increasing fat burning, supporting the thyroid, and even being anti-viral and anti-fungal, and being very stable with a high smoke point (good to cook with). Palm oil is another good substitute for trans-fats in packaged baked goods and such. Also, I am happy to tell you that chocolate is another healthy, saturated fat.

Animal Fats

This is where its at, YO! And even though I think the Paleo dogma is stupid and ruined my happiness for a good 7 + months, I truly still believe their teachings on Fat.

This includes fat on the animal (lard, tallow, goose) and from the animal: dairy (butter, ghee, cream, milk) and… eggs. Saturated fat is supposed to be the most supportive of our brain and the making of our sex hormones.

Dr. Andrew Weil just recently changed his stance on saturated fats. Heart Surgeon Man‘s stance. Mercola‘s stance. Mark’s Daily Apple. Four Hour Work Week.  And here we have the NYtimes writing on the subject, just so all my sources aren’t too alternative for you.

And… seafood. Fish are high in omega-3. Which is apparently good! Haven’t you heard? (Ray Peat would argue that, but I don’t care for any unnecessary fears of unnecessary things.)

My Fear of Cheap Oils

Unfortunately, the truth is, my fear of processed Omega-6 oils (canola, soybean, corn, etc) is still where I am a bit stuck. I fear it. And they piss me off. It is a manipulated and fake food, and nearly unavoidable unless you eat every bite at home.

And, you know why it was created? People were foolishly afraid of real fat. Like butter and lard.

I have made great strides recently by eating in restaurants. I think of cheap oils I inevitably take in as a form of medicine for my neuroses. Like a supplement to prove to myself that I can handle less-than-ideal foods. Try it!

Conclusion

Fat is not a problem. Fat, inherently, is good for you. And it is not “fattening”.

(If this post seems less passionate than my post In Defense of Sugar, it is only because I have known and believed that fat was good for a long time. The sugar thing is newer and even more radical.)

But, if you suffer from the fear of processed omega-6 PUFAs… remind yourself, that regular doses will supplement your mind and prove that it can not hurt you.

Your worry and stress over any food is way more harmful than the food itself.

And remember to say:

FUCK IT.