I realized that I feel really, really ugly without makeup. And that is bullshit.
And even if I were ‘really ugly’ without makeup, that is ok.
But being “ugly”, and feeling ugly are two different things. In fact, being inherently ugly doesn’t need to even exist if we are realizing that beauty standards are subjective and morph and change through time, and from culture to culture.
Feeling ugly also doesn’t need to exist. But it does. And I want to eradicate it.
I have nothing against makeup. It is fine. It is great, even. Anyone should wear it, whenever and however they want and choose. Ideally organic makeup because that’s better for us all, but hey, I actually use waterproof mascara every day, and I don’t wash my face, and every morning I wake up with black stains under my eyes, so do as I say, not as I do.
But, makeup-wearing-wise, I want to choose. I want to wear it because I want to. I want to wear it because I am choosing to, not because I have come to default believe that I am disgusting without it.
And so, I will go around the city with bald, tired eyes, with my dark circles and straight eyelashes, and lip-colored lips. I will let my newish weird small burst blood vessel on my cheek breathe air (until I make a dermatologist appointment and have them zap it with their magical powers.)
I intend to become fully ok with looking in your eyes and ‘not looking my best’. Walking down the street smiling and not looking my best. Or walking down the street and not smiling cause, shut up.
There is nothing wrong with looking your best.
But there is also nothing wrong with not looking your best.
Do you understand me?
This is my new frontier, I will not attempt to make my face better than it inherently is on a daily basis, for the rest of July and maybe beyond. And I will get used to my eyes looking tired if they are tired, and to start to realize, myself, that this is what worthy people look like and feel like, too.
(This post is an excerpt from my personal site/comedy blog where I am trying to write every morning as a fun experiment this July. Read original, longer post.)