I know I have not posted in a long time! But, there is a good side to that. Posting has always had a therapeutic quality for ME. “What you teach, your learn”…. or something. And eating normally has become such an easy part of my life, that I haven’t been inspired to post as much.
However! That doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t post more often! The FAQ I am going to answer today is a conglomeration of a question people ask me all the time. I am often asked something similar to the question below, so I am going to ANSWER IT! And try to do it in a concise paragraph (or 4) (or whatever).
HOW Can I accept my body now, if I know I look better when I am thinner?! Am I supposed to be OK with being ugly?
This is the hardest thing that people seem to face with normalizing their eating. Because controlling their bodies is normally the reason they started restricting eating in the first place. And even if it wasn’t the first reason, the feeling of a lack of control over your body normally sends people into a panic.
Prologue: The first thing that is important to remember again, is that there is nothing dangerous, foolish, or gluttonous about learning to eat what your body wants. And, there is nothing but good that can come from it. You will become a happier, free-er, healthier, calmer, more nourished person, the longer you stick to committing to eating what you and your body want. No matter how much weight you initially gain, or even keep on long-term. And if you want to dispute that statement intellectually, let your whole heart and body listen to that statement and see if it rings true. You were not born on this earth to diet every day of your life until you die. You were meant to eat normally- no matter what size you are. That is important to remember and believe before I get to the real advice.
Ok. This belief: “You look better when you are thinner”. Is this true? Is this 100% without a doubt true? If your first reaction is “Duh, yes.” Ask again. Ask again and again, and then ask: Can I be absolutely CERTAIN this is true?
And BTW, just because people give you constant, unhelpful compliments when you are thinner does not make this true. All it is is indicative of society, yes, and people trying to be nice. But that is all. Nothing more, nothing less. It may feel like an indisputable fact, but it is not.
Yet, this was something that I believed without a doubt, too. And when people would casually say that it didn’t really matter as much as I thought it did, or that I had a skewed perception of myself and my attractiveness-based-on-my-current-weight, I would scoff. “They don’t know what they are talking about” or “they are lying” or “they are stupid. maybe they want to be fat, but not me.”
But is it really true that you are more attractive when you are thinner? Maybe in order to be a model. Maybe in order to be on the CW. Maybe in order to look like a 13 year old. But, definitively more attractive? Maybe solely based on the limited and unrealistic, photoshopped 13-year-old and anorexic models.
Yea, maybe you don’t fit into the impossible, warped standard of beauty for the last 30 years. Sure. I’ll give you that.
But that doesn’t make it right! And that doesn’t make you ugly. And that doesn’t make accepting your body 6 sizes up futile and crazy.
No matter how much we think it, no genuine success or worth or attractiveness is derived from our size. You are as beautiful and worthy as you believe you are. Again, try to argue with that intellectually, but then let your heart and your body respond. And you know its true.
Look at Fat Acceptance Pinterest Boards. Look at Plus Sized Models. Dress in clothes you love no matter what size you are. Create something. Care about something. Make something. Fix something. Love something. Share something. Sit in the sun.
Make your life more than one big attempt to be as skinny as you can be.
Eat what your heart and body desire and you are healthy. Decide you are beautiful and you are beautiful. Decide you are worthy, and you will realize you always have been.
THANK YOU for answering my questions.
Yes, I think I made a bigger deal out of weight than it is. But I’m still not sure if it’s just about society. I think people are – because of biology – attracted to certain body shapes and a healthy look but within a wide range.
I was thinking a lot and… well, I still would like to lose some pounds. But I won’t try to. It’s not worth it. Okay, I will try to deal with my emotions through other ways than food but mostly because it’s not good for my life quality, it’s just not a healthy way.
If I lose some pounds, I would be happy about it – and if I don’t, it would be okay, too. I still accept and love myself. I’m still beautiful. I mean, there can always be some stupid little things you could worry about. If it’s not getting in your way too much, I would let them just as they are and accept them. Because, if you obsess about small imperfections, you will never be happy – you can always find more things to worry about because no person on earth is perfect.
“Decide you are beautiful and you are beautiful.”
I liked that. Yes, beauty is so much more than weight. It’s also a reflection of self-care and CONFIDENCE. You should not let others bring you down but love yourself. At some moment, people will see you the same way you see yourself.
So those are my conclusions. I’ll stop worrying about my weight because it’s just not a way I want to live. I’ll start concentrating on other things in life. Thank you again, I love your thoughts. 🙂