We all want guarantees. And that’s what diets give us: false guarantees of happiness, beauty, and adoration.
Well … the Fuck It Diet doesn’t come with a guarantee. I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m not going to make false promises. And I’m not going to consider myself some infallible guru.
I received this question below, and I hoped that the Q and my A would be helpful for everyone to read. Cause we are all looking for guarantees. Whether we are dieting anymore or not. I get it. No one is immune to searching for solid ground beneath their feet. But the truth is, there is no solid ground.
Q: I’ve been trying to diet again. I KNOW. It’s making me a little bit crazy already BUT the desire to be thin is still so strong. I really do believe I’m not ‘meant’ to be as big as this in the long run. A diet seems like a helpful way of slimming down, but already I feel the desire to cheat and binge.
Honestly, I want to be thinner. Do I really have to let go of the desire to be slim? How do I embrace my desire for health without it being diet-y? I WANT to be free, but I hate being so fat. Are there any guarantees that if I do all the fuck it stuff and energy stuff that it will actually work and I’ll be happy as I am? Or is this just another thing to try and see what happens?
A: I can’t make any promises about the Fuck It Diet or energy work.
The Fuck It Diet is the path I found, and I stand by it and believe it to be real healing, but I can’t make you grand sweeping promises – same as diets can’t. All I can do is tell you what I’ve learned.
And the other thing I can do it teach you to listen to yourself, which is more valuable than any other lesson.
You’ve read the science of restriction and metabolism, the science of weight and health: how health is more a result of genes and social stress – and joy and sadness – than weight, you’ve learned how dieting is the best way to gain more and more weight.
Feeling out of control with eating is a metabolic reaction to physical restriction, and an emotional reaction to the amount of pressure you’re putting on yourself, and the resistance you have to your current body.
And yes, the paradox of happiness, is that surrendering to your current body size and choosing to see the beauty right where you are, is going to free up your day-to-day misery and end the emotionally toxic chastising of yourself, and allow you to live fully live as you are now. And that’s the space where you can get really normal with eating.
But you’re in charge.
I know what I believe about food and weight, and we both know why, but if dieting is what you want right now, I can’t convince you otherwise.
So my advice is this:
Seek as much joy as you possibly can. Find your joys. Find joy in what’s already happening, and add in more and more joy that make you feel alive. Joy means something different for everyone, so make it yours.
If you ask me, the purpose of life is connecting with people, sharing what you believe you’re meant to share, and allowing as much joy as you can in the process.
Follow body positive, fat, cool, confident women. Start with Jes Baker, Virgie Tovar, Kelsey Miller, etc. If you already do, keep doing it. Make that a part of your day no matter how you are eating. Follow ones that inspire you, not every fat woman is going to inspire you, just like anything or anyone. All people do not speak to all of us. You’re allowed to be picky with what inspires you.
If you believe you need to go diet, go diet. I do not condone or endorse dieting ever, but I am not the boss of you, and the Fuck It Diet doesn’t need to be your bible.
As far as energy work goes, stuck emotions, beliefs, and learned expectations I believe are a big root of our sadness, anxiety, misery, and general stuckness. Energy work is one of the ways that I have found to really move and help those things, but I can’t convince anyone that what I’m offering is what they ‘should’ be doing.
I can’t promise you what you want me to promise you, all I can tell you is to really, really listen to yourself and honor yourself. Forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. Follow inspiring fat women. Seek as much joy as you possibly can. Surrender to guidance from whatever spirituality that makes you feel comfortable and safe and joyful.
My job isn’t to make big sweeping promises, but my job is to teach you what I know and empower you to trust yourself and be kind to yourself.