-you don’t trust that your body has an innate wisdom

-you think there is “one perfect way” and you need to find it

-you are still trying to control how much you eat

-you are still not trusting the amounts you are hungry for

-you are still trying to control your weight

-you are still judging the foods you eat or crave

-you think your life will finally fall into place once you get some control

-you don’t want to feel what it feels like in your body

-you don’t want to ever slow down

-you are afraid of hunger

-you are afraid of fullness

-you are afraid of what is really meant for you

I’ve come to understand that the Fuck It Diet is comprised of a few components.

There is the physical part, the very very straight forward, “you are not eating enough and that is why you feel addicted to food” part. The “I know you feel like you’ve been bingeing so how could you possibly have been not eating enough, but it is actually all just the response to chronic attempts at restriction” piece.

There is the mental part. The part where we have been taught what we have been taught about health and bodies and beauty and acceptability. This is the part where we relearn, where we start to own what we want our lives to actually be about, where we restate our personal missions. Where we get rid of ‘shoulds’.

There is the emotional part, where we learn to feel what it feels like to be a human.

It definitely all starts with the physical part, because without actually shifting that physical cycle, you won’t get anywhere. But without also moving onto the mental and emotional parts, you’re just going to get sucked back into your old ways of looking at your body, life, and worth.

A word on REST

My REST mission has everything to do with the mental and emotional parts, not just physical rest. This culture never, ever lets us rest mentally. We never think we deserve it. So we stay stuck in a miserable grind forever, drowning in shoulds. We are never ever allowed to slow down without guilt or worry that we aren’t doing enough.

And without allowing ourselves to slow down and surrender, we are never letting ourselves really be intuitive.

So basically, do the work to chill the fuck out, and everything will get better.

And with that, back to my vacation.

January 5th, 2017 will be my 29th birthday.

Almost 5 years ago, I had my TFID, birthday bathroom epiphany, where I looked in the mirror after bingeing on gross squash pancakes (pancakes made out of squash and eggs… yum) and out loud, dramatically, said something like:

“What are you doing you fool?! You will never ever be satisfied if you keep dieting like this.”

The connection between bingeing and my debilitating fear of weight, became crystal clear to me in that moment, and I started my own Fuck It Diet right then.

Then a few months later I started this site.

And 5 years later, here we are.

I am truly a different, calmer, happier person. My life is completely different. My priorities are different. My focuses are different. And it all started from unravelling the dieting knot and being willing to gain weight and let go.

I still stand by what I have taught since the beginning about eating. And in addition, I have learned so many, many, many things along the way.

Here are just some of the things I have learned:

You really can trust your body. I believed it in the beginning, but 5 years later I still stand by it. You really are bingeing because of restricting and dieting. Feed yourself. Follow famine and metabolism logic, and “eat yourself to the other side.” It really does work.

Cravings are intuition. Yes, really. Follow them and it will lead to more, ever evolving cravings and intuition. The less precious you make them, the easier they will be to follow and you continue.

You need carbs. For hormones. For your metabolism. What I experienced as “sugar addiction” and “a poor metabolism of sugar” was caused by deprivation.

You are not a bottomless pit. You will not eat until you explode. You are afraid you will, I know, but I promise you will not.

You were not put on this earth to be tiny.

Fear of your weight and body is at the root of all of this misery with food. 

Learning to like yourself is really the journey we are on.

So – Feminism, too. I used to think feminism didn’t apply to me. I was already equal. I went to an all girls school. My mom wanted me to be a doctor, or a nurse, or at least tell people I was becoming a doctor or a nurse while I got my BFA in musical theater. But no. I was not. And it was insidious: Hating your body. Needing to be smaller. Trying to be acceptable….  Being sexualized as a teenager on the street and the subsequent fear of curves and a feminine body. The debasement of the feminine in general in this society. This food thing is directly related to this body thing is directly related to feminism. I didn’t want to yell about this from the rooftops when I started TFID because I wanted to be cool and chill and acceptable still. But there is no denying it. They are connected. There is no one acceptable way to be a woman. You are enough you are enough you are enough. Feminism Feminism Feminism.

The Fuck It Diet applies to men and women, but I primarily write for women just because of what I said above. I have learned that, too.

Shit food may not be the be all end all, but shit food may be a big part of getting you to the be all end all (ease & intuition). Restriction and fear of food impairs food intuition, ease, and often, metabolism too. Eating a diet of mainly coke and candy and McDonalds will never ever be optimal. You know that. But allowing those foods, genuinely, with no fear or judgment, will take away the dogma and allow you to slowly and genuinely listen to what your body is craving day to day.

You owe no one your beauty.

You owe no one your health.

Our culture is so deprived of true rest and joy. We are tired. We are miserable. We never let ourselves off the hook. We are stressed. We are constantly trying to seem acceptable, to ourselves and others. We are buried in the shoulds we have accepted. And it depletes us. We don’t have to live like this. What will you look back and think about all this time you wasted trying to seem good enough?

Compassion, compassion, compassion. Mostly for yourself. If you can extend compassion for yourself, it is even easier to extend to others.

Perfectionism is the death of happiness and freedom. Perfectionism will suck your happiness, spontaneity, and life force faster than you can say where have all the years gone??!?! I like to call it a program running in the background of your brain/life force, sucking all your battery juice and FOR WHAT?!?!?! Get rid of body, food, and health perfectionism. It doesn’t serve you. Lower the stakes, my friend.

We control nothing. All we can do is take inspired action, be good, be kind, course correct as we go, and be willing to admit that we were wrong. There is no prize for never being wrong.

Your worth is not tied to your weight your worth is not tied to your weight your worth is not tied to your weight your worth is not tied to your weight.

Health has more to do with socio-economic factors and stress, than even genetics, health habits, or weight. Thanks Linda Bacon.

Linda Bacon is a must read. Get your health stats from Linda.

Body diversity is a real thing. For the most part, your weight set range is out of your control, and attempts to control it often raise it, or cause huge weight fluctuations and lowered metabolism.

Fat acceptance and body diversity are social and human rights.

All of your stress is stemming from unexamined ‘shoulds’ and limiting beliefs. Yes, really, all of it. And especially your body and food stress. You have believed things that do not serve you, that are triggering a stress response and a desire to “control the situation”. This is a lot of the work we do in Fuckiteer Academy.

Fat is not a bad word.

Fear of being or becoming fat affects everyone negatively, no matter what your body size is. (Just like the fear of feminine affects everyone negatively no matter whether you are a male or female.)

The Fuck It Diet is socially liberal. And yes, in case it is unclear, the Fuck It Diet opposes Trump’s rhetoric and everything he stands for. The big business. The illusion that his wealth makes him smart or good or trustworthy (?!?!) The cabinet appointments he has made. The beauty pageants. The terrible words he has said about women. The bragging about sexual assault. And on and on. Me sharing this alienates readers. I do not care. The Fuck It Diet is feminist. The Fuck It Diet is political. It can not be separated.

This is a spiritual journey. I know, I just wanted to eat normally too and go about my life too, but no. A big ol’ surrender to something bigger comes with the territory. You’re being tricked into a bigger picture thing here. This food and bingeing struggle is just a doorway into more self-love, trust, ease, happiness, better emotional intelligence and tolerance, intuition, and prioritizing yourself and your happiness (to the benefit of everyone around you.)

It’s so worth it.

Your body is not sin, it is a direct path to spirituality.

Feeling our emotions and being in our bodies is essential. We have spent years afraid of our bodies, denying our humanity and fearing our emotions. We don’t want to feel what it feels like to be in our bodies. We don’t want to feel what it feels like to be human, mortal, fallible, and vulnerable. We think it might be better to be shiny, perfect, robotic and grief-less. But we can’t be. We are humans. We must eat to stay alive. We must feel to process, learn, understand and empathize with one another. It makes life better, not worse. This is some of what we work on in the Become Your Own Damn Guru.

You can’t avoid the emotionally uncomfortable parts, you have to lean into them.

No feeling will last forever. We are afraid our emotions will consume us. They will not. They pass and teach us if we allow ourselves to feel them.

We are guided. I cannot take full credit for the Fuck It Diet. Yes I sought happiness and peace. Yes I listened. Yes I took action and did things that scared me and shared them. But it’s a thing I was guided to. And everything else that has happened since has been too synchronistic and serendipitous for me to ever say that I don’t know if there is magic in this universe. There is more magic than I can even fathom. And it’s everywhere.

Creativity, spontaneity, and fun are great forces of spirituality.

You are enough.

You are Divine. Magical. Beautiful. Important. Imperfect and Perfect all at once.

You deserve to take up space. In fact the world may count on it.

You matter.

The things you say matter.

Fuck It can be a spiritual mantra.

Prayer, intentions, healing … it’s all real.

Lastly, dieting definitely doesn’t work in the big picture.