This isn’t a trick. I really don’t condone mindful eating.

And I’ll tell you why:

When you attempt mindful eating, you’re going to make it into an obsessive, perfectionistic way to eat, and then it’s gonna backfire, and you’re going to binge and wonder why ‘it’s not working’.

If you’re someone who has been stressed about the food you eat, the antidote is not mindful eating.

The antidote is neutral, normal, messy, haphazard, who-gives-a-fuck-if-you-order-fries eating.

You don’t need to add one more day of worrying that you’re eating too fast, or not rating your hunger level, or not paying attention to the chickens who lay the eggs in the muffin you’re eating.

I mean it.

You need to just eat, and eat what you want, and eat a lot. That is the ONLY way you’re ever going to neutralize food, and neutralizing food is the ONLY way you are ever going to actually be able to hear what your body wants without all that NOISE and the ANXIETY in the way.

And being able to neutrally hear what the body wants (and doesn’t want) is the closest you ever need to get to mindful eating.

I mean that so sincerely.

You don’t need to eat slowly in order to learn to eat normally.

If your goal is to be a monk, that’s another story. Then… sure. Eat slowly and mindfully and meditate over your food. Make it part of your spiritual practice. What do I care!

I’ll be eating casseroles and ice cream in front of the tv, stopping when I’m done because I don’t feel like more, and waking up to drink my morning cappuccino while I multi-task.

That’s the way you find food freedom. Make food less of a big deal instead of more of a big deal.

And the paradox is (and there is always a paradox), that’s the best way to really give yourself what you want and need.

There really are only four reasons anyone has trouble eating normally.

1. Physical Restriction (Controlling and limiting what you put in your mouth)
2. Mental Restriction (“I shouldn’t eat like this”)
3. Poor Body Image (“I should change”)
4. Not wanting to feel emotions.

I normally focus on 1-3. And it is actually VERY simple.

Your physical restriction is affecting your relationship to food. It makes your body wired to seek food. It makes your mind wired to seek food. It slows down your metabolism. It sabotages all efforts at normalcy with food.

Your guilt over eating, even when you are “allowing it” will continue to get in your way. It feels like there’s an impending diet, and BOOM. Binge.

Your body image that’s been ingrained over time is largely the cause for the first two anyway. When we think our bodies are wrong or ‘our fault’, we subconsciously think we should control our food – then – backlash. The cycle worsens.

But #4 is one I don’t talk about as much. It’s where fear of feeling your emotions can cause people to “eat to numb.”

Just like alcohol, a little bit of emotional eating is a non issue. It’s actually fully normal, healthy, and comforting. It’s only when you are SO out of touch with emotions that you need to constantly numb that emotional eating is a problem.

And even then, emotional eating is NOT bingeing, but often becomes bingeing when people feel guilt (#2) over their emotional eating. They’re eating and they tell themselves “tomorrow, no more!” and it becomes a binge.

So what is my advice to you?

1. Do not restrict
2. Become aware of all guilt and limiting beliefs in the way
3. Get right with your body. Learn about Health at Every Size. Follow body positive accounts
4. Commit to feeling your emotions, but DO NOT restrict food. Eat AND feel.

And boom, you are now a Fuckiteer.