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I started writing about how to heal from disordered eating and body hatred seven years ago, back when I was f—king* sick of being afraid of rice, and being full, and gaining weight. My life was hijacked by the obsession with beauty and thinness and health and purity. And I was f—ing over it.

I didn’t start this website to become instagram famous or become a “thought leader” or “influencer” in this space. (Ew?) I didn’t set out to work with people or run groups. And I definitely didn’t think I was going to have a book coming out on not-dieting. I was just a writer –and I was anonymous for the first three years.

I was just f—ing exhausted of diet culture and my own f—ing brain and I felt very strongly that I needed to write about it, for my own sake, on a little blog that no one read.

I was writing about what I was applying to myself as I clawed my way out of the miserable hole I was in. We all just needed to f—ing eat and rebel against absurd body standards.

I kept writing, and learning, and eating, and writing. Eventually I put together workshops and courses, teaching some of the ways I helped myself process fear and resistance and diet culture. I’ve always had a special interest in the way we avoid our bodies, and our emotions, and our humanity, plus all of the subconscious cultural beliefs we are operating under that need to GTFO.

My “expertise” is on how we are afraid of our hunger – and how that will always mess up our eating. And a huge part of that, if not the core underlying factor, is our fear of our bodies, and our cultural fear of, and misconceptions about, fatness. That’s always been clear to me: Fat-phobia is the reason we are messed up around food, and the reason we fear gaining weight above anything else.

But still, no matter how much I care, or how important it is to me: I will always inherently have blind-spots in writing about the full scope of these issues, because of my many privileges. It’s just a fact.

I am not an ultimate authority on body image, body acceptance, body positivity, or fat liberation, even though I know how important those things are.

My thin privilege inherently becomes one of my shortcomings on this subject. In the BIG PICTURE, me learning to accept my body isn’t really that radical, because I have always naturally been on the thinner side. And even when I’ve yo-yo’d A LOT, I’ve always had thin privilege.

A thin girl saying: “stop dieting! we should be allowed to get full and gain weight” feels safer to people. (But still …not that safe. People still tell me I am giving dangerous irresponsible advice). But if I were fatter saying the exact same thing, so many more people would say: “Woa woa woa, stop trying to make excuses for your lack of willpower and laziness. Stop ‘glorifying obesity’. Stop leading people into disease.” And then they’d probably tell me to die of heart disease along with other explicit and aggressive threats.

I have always been able to say things that people in larger bodies also say, and people listen to me, because they assume TFID is “working” for me, because I am thin. And this is based on major misinformation about how much control we have over our weight, and what weight means about us and about our health and our habits… and all the other s#@t our culture teaches about fatness.

So that is one of the first problematic things – I have been given a voice and a platform because of the systemic prejudice I am trying to talk about – the assumptions we make about people based on their size. The assumption that I’m doing something right, and that fatter people are doing something wrong.

Also, TFID is meant to be for every body and every size: the instructions are the same. But one piece of those instructions is to rebel against societal beauty standards, and a fat person learning to rebel against society will experience a lot more pain and pushback than me being like, “oh, I finally accept my size F boobs even though I don’t look like the delicate disney princess I always hoped I could become.”

Yes, it’s radical for anyone to rebel against intentional weight loss in a culture that is obsessed with tininess. But pretending like it’s the same for every body is … incorrect. And erases the trauma and cruelty and pervasiveness of weight stigma and fat phobia.

The only semi-good thing I can see about TFID seeming like some pop-trendy thing right now (and this is problematic in and of itself) is that it can hopefully be an entry point to learn more about inclusive body positivity. If it seems “palatable” to the masses of chronic dieters who start reading because they want to learn how to stop binge eating and being obsessed with food, that gives me an opportunity to explain the underlying, core issues. Which means that people who have not learned that our fat phobia is THE ISSUE, and that it’s a matter of social justice, and many other misconceptions, will hear it. It’s an entry point to go deeper.

But I understand that even that is problematic, because I get to do the work of pointing at the problem, while benefitting from the problem.

And still, I usually write (right here! on my blog!) about pretty entry level things, for a reason. Because the way I see it, that’s where I have to start. That’s where readers have to start: Let me explain the first thing that’s happening to you (that your body is wired against diets, and that you are not an unstoppable food monster), and then the deeper we go, the more I can unravel and explain.

Another one of my shortcomings is that body politics and body autonomy extend beyond weight, and intersect with disability, chronic illness, race/white supremacy, gender, and sexuality – and that is again, not my area of expertise. Except for chronic illness (which is a piece of my story) I am a thin, white, able-bodied, cis, straight-woman, whose major misery was being incessantly cat-called in middle school for having big boobs, and also that I wasn’t skinny enough to be cast as the ingenue when I was auditioning for professional musical theater roles… So… I f—ing get it. It’s all relative. Did that traumatize me and make me hate myself? Yes, actually.  But like…  I wasn’t pretty enough to be the prettiest person in the play? Hahahahahha, I f—ing get it. If that was able to traumatize me, what does that mean for other people who have way less privilege??? Who don’t have money to make ends meet? Who are the victims of constant harassment and abuse for the color of their skin or the size of their body???

Policing people’s bodies, and having a culture where some bodies are seen as superior or more acceptable, overlaps with privilege of whiteness, and ability, and sexual orientation. However, this is an area I still need to listen and learn, because if I began writing about overlapping intersectional oppression and marginalization in any other way other than just to point out that they are connected, and how stigma inherently affects our health and our quality of life, it would fall very, very short, because I simply don’t have the lived experience or the expertise or the language.

The other shortcoming in my message and writing is addressing how poverty affects people’s relationship to food. Not having enough money to make ends meet and being stressed over the price of food, creates an environment of food scarcity – which affects our bodies, our actual appetite, and our relationship to food. Not to mention that the stress alone negatively affects our health (independent of our weight), but people are still blamed for their health and overtly told to diet as if that will cure them – both things that perpetuate the cycle of blame, stress, and health problems.

My book talks about these concepts, because they’re important and because it is impossible to untangle them from the reason we are f—ed up with food. But again, especially as far as radical body positivity goes, the book is inherently limited. I see TFID as an entry point – an intro to radical body positivity and the importance of body politics as a social justice issue.

I know TFID helps chronic dieters heal their relationship to food. My writing and lessons lean into what I can write about in my sleep: how dieting fucks over our bodies, our deep irrational fear of our hunger and our appetites, our fear of food, our avoidance of feeling our bodies and our emotions, and all of the destructive beliefs we’ve learned about food and weight and beauty and worth.

But when going deeper into the fat experience, the intersection between other areas of oppression (disability, race, gender identity, and sexuality), and writing about food for people with actual food scarcity, those areas are not my expertise– and they’re important.

And because I know there are inherent shortcomings in my perspective and work, I have been creating a resource list for the book, that is not completed yet.

For now, here is a list of diverse body positive activists that I hope you follow, with links to their instagram accounts:

Jes Baker – Author of Landwhale and Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls

Virgie Tovar – Author of You Have the Right to Remain Fat

Meghan Crabbe – Author of Body Positive Power

Imogen Fox – Queer disabled woman serving up radical body politics

YrFatFriend –Anonymous essayist and fat activist/educator

Nicole McDermid – Social Worker & Eating Disorder Recovery Coach

Dana Falsetti – Weight inclusive yoga teacher

Sonalee Rashatwar – Non binary bemme, trauma therapist, rad fat politic

Ashlee Bennett – Body Image Therapist, Online Counsellor & Art psychotherapist

Beauty Redefined – Nonprofit promoting body image resilience, Lindsay & Lexie Kite, PhD

Anna Sweeney – Disabled non-diet dietitian

Ragen Chastain –  Fat Activist and Athlete

Dani Adriana – Fat Activist

Ivy Felicia – Body Peace & Holistic Wellness at Any Size Coach

Jessamyn Stanley – Yoga Teacher and Author

Sonya Taylor – Author of The Body Is Not an Apology

Corissa Enneking – Fatgirlflow, queer, happy fatty, influencer

I am still putting together a list of non-diet dietitians, important books, and other helpful resources that will help expand upon TFID, and help people go deeper, and get the help they need. That list will be a digital resource that goes along with my book.

And, not sure if you want to read my book? You can read a sneak peak by signing up here.

Ok. That’s it for now.

* I can’t freaking curse in my blog posts anymore because I use them as podcast episodes too and iTunes censors curse words in the text of podcasts, which is why the name of my freaking podcast is the freaking “F” it diet.

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Some people assume that The F*ck It Diet is unnecessarily extreme.

They assume it’s a steady diet of donuts, McDonald’s, and fried ice cream for the rest of our short little lives. That we’re a group of lazy anarchists who are reveling in our newfound food-related health problems, and not taking any personal responsibility for our health, and who refuse to make any attempts at self-improvement.

Or they think: Why can’t we just be balanced? Why can’t we just enjoy cake every so often but mostly try to eat a healthy, moderate diet?

The answer is because: we’ve tried that.

Also, chronic dieting is somewhere on the eating disorder spectrum, so for people who’ve become obsessed with dieting, trying “to be balanced” doesn’t work. It doesn’t heal us. And ironically, it perpetuates feeling totally out of control with food.

There is nothing wrong with true balance, but for many people, “just trying to be balanced” becomes the new diet. Not to mention that after years of restriction and dieting, balance is eating a hell of a lot, for a good chunk of time.

The beautiful thing I found, once I truly allowed myself to eat with total abandon, is that my body actually spoke up. After years of bingeing and restricting and bingeing again, once I stopped judging myself for eating and stopped trying to micromanage my weight, my body actually finally felt fed, and my lifelong food obsession melted away.

Note: I never thought that could happen. I thought I was born a food addict, and would die a food addict.

The F*ck It Diet is the (seemingly) counter-intuitive way to stop feeling insane around food. Allowance paves way for easier, nourishing health choices, and getting in tune with what your body wants and needs. It’s a way to get to a place where you can easily feed yourself a varied diet, without too much overthinking, and get on with your life.

However, I know it feels more complicated for some people. I understand why people still fear certain foods, especially if they don’t feel well, or if certain foods make them feel sick. And some foods really do make people feel sick. I understand this first hand: wanting to heal your obsession with food and dieting, but wondering if you’re actually causing your own pain and misery, and fearing that you need to be avoiding certain foods.

And so here are a couple things I want to remind you about food, weight, dieting, and health that may calm you down.

The biggest issue with dieting is assuming that weight is the cause of our health problems. That’s like blaming coughing for causing your cold. Weight can be symptom of underlying health problems, (and it can also just be… your body). But either way, focusing on weight loss is not your best bet to improve health, not matter what.

Stress from weight stigma has also been shown to cause the health problems that are blamed on the weight itself – including increased mortality.

The other issue with dieting is assuming that you can’t trust your hunger and your appetite, and that the less you eat the better. No. That makes no sense. That is not good for you. That is not supportive of health or a good relationship with food. It’s not supportive of a strong metabolism, or good digestion, or good sleep, or anything really.

The Fuck It Diet is calorie positive. Calories aren’t a problem or the problem. Same with carbs, sugar, fat, and protein. Food is good for us.

So… once you can step out of both of those ways of thinking (demonizing weight and demonizing hunger/food) you can eat however makes you feel good. For people who have food sensitivities or who feel better eating a certain way, you can do whatever feels good and right, as long as you have healed your relationship to food and weight. Does that make sense?

And once you have healed your relationship to food, if a certain food makes you feel terrible, you can re-evaluate your relationship to it. Do you want to eat it if it makes you feel bad? Sometimes that may be yes, and often that may be no.

Health is so much more nuanced than we hope. Really it’s a complicated combination of genetics, immunity, environmental factors (chemicals, pollutants, heavy metals, etc), socio-economic factors, and stress. Motherf*cking stress.

Stress is a major determinant of health. Stress stress stress stress. Stress from your high powered job, but even more: Stress from being or feeling marginalized. Stress from not having enough money and constantly being in survival mode. Stress from being treated poorly. Stress from lingering effects of trauma.

Stress affects your gut, and your immunity, and your overall health.

Now… don’t stress over stress. And don’t blame yourself for stress. A lot of stress is not that easy to just breathe away (even though I do believe in breathing). But understand that it’s all complicated, it’s not your fault, and food is often the least offensive part of our lifestyles.

Under-eating actually causes health problems too: gut problems, hormonal problems, nutrient deficiencies, inflammation, anxiety, etc.

There is also something called a nocebo affect, where your fear over a certain food can actually give you negative symptoms when you eat it.

If health is your goal, healing your relationship to food is still an imperative step towards well-rounded health.

That being said, not all food is great for everyone. And not all food is great. (I don’t actually believe ‘all food is equal’. For instance, for instance… food with pesticides in it aren’t great for us, and worse for some depending on how efficient their body is at processing them out. But… at this point, you can’t avoid pesticides unless you live in an actual bubble. And even attempts at avoiding them requires lots of money to spend on organic food.) All food doesn’t need to be equal in order for you to be allowed to eat what you crave.

It is insane and crazy-making to always try to eat perfect food.

You can eat anything, even if it doesn’t fit into anyone’s definition of healthy. You can just eat and calm down about it. It’s more important to feed yourself than to constantly stress out over if your your food is healthy enough. The body wants to thrive. It wants to be resilient. As I’ve said above… stress over your eating actually perpetuates some of the health problems you may be experiencing, too.

Healing your dysfunctional  relationship with food and weight, will help you eat in a way that supports your health, whatever that looks like.

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I am in the last stages of finalizing my book, and I just found a glaring error about weight and starvation which shows my bias and assumptions about weight.

In the book I wrote that if a famine never ended, you would eventually become emaciated and die.

BUT THAT ISN’T TRUE.

If a famine never ended, you could still die in 8-12 weeks, even if you’re fat, because your body would break down your muscles to convert to ketones to keep your brain and body running, and in the absence of food, would weaken your heart so much that you’d die. If you still had some access to food, and were eating only a little, the same thing could happen, just slower.

You can also die just from not having the electrolytes to keep your heart working.

You will die from malnutrition whether you are skinny or fat.

And if you don’t need to be skinny to die of starvation, guess what the fuck that means about dieting? Still think weight and weight loss are fully within our control?!?!

Also, the fact that I had it wrong in my book (a book that talks a lot about how weight stigma affects our relationship with food) is scaryyyyyy to meeee. It also just goes to show how deep weight stigma and weight assumptions run.

(And yes, I just emailed my editor in a panic that this HAD TO BE CHANGED, even though it is VERY last minute.)

So while we are at it, let’s talk about some more weight facts:

You can have anorexia in a fat body.

Anorexia does not make everyone skinny.

You can still be fat even if you barely eat anything.

You will still experience the same effects of starvation and malnutrition, no matter what your external weight set point is.

A person’s weight does not give you any information about how they eat or their health.

Our weight is not really as easily manipulated and controlled as we think – we have weight set ranges that are set by genetics. The body does not want to be above or below our particular range.

Most (if not all) weight loss studies have only looked at the short term results. And the ones that have looked at long term results have seen weight regain and poorer health because of the diet and weight cycling and stress/stigma.

Every health problem under the sun seems to be blamed on a high weight, but weight is just a scapegoat. Sometimes weight gain is a symptom of other health issues, but blaming the issues on weight is not only missing the mark, but also may be causing the very health problems it claims to be fixing.

Yes, weight stigma is terrible for us, and the health problems blamed on weight (including increased mortality!) are more likely caused by the weight stigma itself.

Weight stigma is the real national health crisis, not “obesity”. “Obesity” being called a health crisis alone is weight stigma – see how cyclical this gets???

In addition, weight cycling and dieting are detrimental to our health. Especially yo-yo dieting or restrictive fad diets that are focused on weight loss.

People can and do improve their health without losing weight.

People also hurt their health by focusing on weight loss.

And I haven’t even touched on the MENTAL HEALTH ASPECT of weight focus, dieting, weight stigma, and body fixation.

I can’t believe that I got that tidbit about starvation so so so wrong, even with all of the other things that I know about weight, health, and weight stigma. So here is to doing better, here is to learning, and here is to listening.

The truth about weight stigma and fat phobia, is that it permeates the very air we breathe. None of us can avoid it. We all have it and can perpetuate it, even with good intentions, and we need to just be super aware of our assumptions.

I’ve probably missed some other essential facts too, so, message me on instagram and let me know what I’m forgetting about the BASIC PHYSICAL FACTS ABOUT WEIGHT AND WEIGHT STIGMA.

Oh and pre-order my book! I promise I’m fixing that mistake! The book tackles weight stigma and diet culture! It really does!