Most of us don’t.

And by talking about it, I don’t mean: Do you go around saying things like “I am looking for something gluten free on this menu for no reason” or “I am just eating this apple now so I don’t eat other food” or “I can’t eat those tortilla chips because who knows if they fry other things in the same vat.” Some people in diet mode actually voice their beliefs out loud to people. It happens. And it is annoying. But no, that is not what I am talking about.

But what about this:

“well, yea I have been obsessed with food and dieting for a long long time. It is pretty messed up, so I am doing my best to try and let go an enjoy life.”

You probably don’t. Because it feels scary. And you feel like nobody will understand or care. Or people will encourage you away from this recovery. But my advice…. try to start.

When I was first on the Fuck It Diet, it was a solo journey. I was doing it alone, about 2 people knew what I was trying to do. My best friend, and my mom (I chose to tell my mom because she was SO wrapped up in my disordered eating and body image).

But slowly, slowly throughout the first year I started mentioning to friends when we were out to dinner.

“Yea, I have actually been extremely obsessed with food and body image for 10 years. I was absolutely miserable, and it was the way through which I saw the whole world. I am doing everything I can now to get away from it, and it is really exciting.”

Partially because I was so sure of what I was doing, and partially because I was just being honest in general, peoples’ responses were great. EVEN the people who were still in diet mode – even if they didn’t know it- had good responses. Because nobody thinks that seeing your whole life through the lens of screwed up body image and obsession with food is a good thing.

People would say things like:

“Wow I never knew! Good for you”

or “Oh man I have BEEN there. That is so great to hear”.

Or “I wish I could do that!” or “that is great, you seem so happy”

or “I have never experienced anything like that, but I am really glad to hear you are doing that”.

And do you know what? It was incredibly incredibly empowering. Not their responses, but the act of labeling the obsession and the fears as simple and silly.

“Can you believe I let that take over my life? I know, but I did. And it was awful, but I am actively going a different direction. It’s awesome! More wine?”

Honesty is POWER. You can distance yourself from your obsessions the more open, honest, and vulnerable you are.

Being obsessed with food and diet is a complete loner, solo shield. It is a way of distancing yourself, disengaging with life. Feeling like you aren’t good enough yet to be a part of the rest of the world. It is shutting yourself away in your tower of dieting until you are beautiful enough and ready to come back down to earth.

Stop that cycle. Speak up. Come back down to earth. Tell people what was going on and what you are still struggling with. Tell people what you value, what you want, and what you care about.

They will listen, and you deserve to be heard.

When people are learning not to diet, normally the first thing they try to learn is “intuitive eating”… which often backfires.

“Intuitive eating”, in it’s most essential meaning, is great. Eating intuitively is what we all can and should be doing. Eating should be effortless and stress-free. And it should be nearly thoughtless to figure our what you want to eat, how much, and when you stop eating.

Eating intuitively CAN be learned.

But when you start teaching an obsessive, disordered eater to “rate their hunger” and “make sure they are only eating when they are hungry” and to “stop at a certain number” on the “hunger-fullness scale”…. that is a recipe for DISASTER: more worry, obsession, and fears over “not doing it right”.

While I would never encourage anyone to not get in tune with their own hunger signals, I think people should do it on their own time, at their own pace, and generally not worry about it too much. Eating intuitive is already intuitive. Stop over-complicating it. Once diet thoughts, and restriction, and fear are out of the way …the body just eats intuitively. That is the definition.

Listening to your body is always a good thing, but don’t let silly rules get in your way.

Chronic dieters cling to intuitive eating rules because it makes them feel safe. It makes them feel like they still have control and a way to tell if they are “doing it right”.

Guess what? There IS NO “DOING IT RIGHT”.

This is eating, not math homework. Every single person and every single day is different. Every person has a different way of “normal eating”. You can’t eat normally like someone else, because their normal doesn’t mean it is right for you.

These are the kinds of things that intuitive eating can teach you if you listen long enough. If you had been doing this since you were a child and had never dieted, you’d do it without blinking. But since you learned some whacky habits and fears, you have to slowly get back there again.

REAL intuitive eating is not about “rules”. REAL intuitive eating does not involve a numbered hunger scale and perfect satiation. Because remember? Perfect satiation doesn’t exist.

So, in conclusion here are some actions I encourage:

1. Just eat. A lot. And feel how you feel
2. Pay attention to how your body feels ALL THE TIME, not just when eating
3. Once your food fears are gone, you will start to eat intuitively. No hunger scales involved
4. Intuitive Eating isn’t all or nothing, every day is different. Some day’s you’ll be more in tune than others
5. There is no “doing it right”, and once you are actually eating (and living) intuitively, your way of doing it right will be the only way to follow

I wrote something like this before, but here we go again….

There are two main reasons people diet and get obsessed with food.

#1. They want to be smaller

#2. They want to be healthier

#1 one is easier to diagnose and fairly straight-forward to convince people out of, even though emotionally, it can be incredibly difficult to heal.

#1’s biggest challenge? Short story: Accept not needing to be skinny, and release your control of your weight.

BUT, the second one is really hard to convince people out of. Isn’t health a noble goal? Isn’t it good to try and eat healthfully? Isn’t it good to cut out bad foods? Isn’t it worthwhile to try and improve our bodies? How can we justify eating unhealthy foods? How can we justify letting go of the desire for good health?

Yea. Health is a noble goal. And yes, we all deserve good health. And, yes, the time you have spent seeking health is justified. It makes sense. It all stems from a place of self-love- which is great.

But you know if you are the person who took it too far, who mixed a little too much fear into your self-love. Who now is obsessed with purity and desperate for health. Someone who is miserable searching for health. And unhealthy anyway.

Here is the thing: We can’t always know what will lead us to health. Our bodies are smarter than we think, and more complex than a computer or an algebraic equation. Most of the time, our attempts at perfect health backfire and make us worse. They slow us down, they ignore intuition, they raise our stress hormones, they make us miserable and more sick. You know if this is you.

So, what is the hardest part about healing #2?

#2’s biggest challenge is letting go of the Holy Grail of Perfect Health.

Let go of needing to be incredibly healthy.

It sounds crazy. It sounds irresponsible. But I promise, as someone who used to seek perfect health to no avail, it is freeing.

Perfect Health is a moving target anyway. Our bodies are always in flux, always cycling, always changing. And what’s more…for some of us, perfect health doesn’t even exist.

I am not telling you to “DECIDE TO BECOME UNHEALTHY”. No. I am just encouraging you, paradoxically, for your health and your sanity, to let GO.

Let GO of your desperation to become incredibly healthy. Because only then can you actually seek balanced health, in a way that doesn’t stem from fear and self-obsession.

Even when I started the Fuck It Diet, in the back of my head was the little voice Letting go might be the way to perfect health… 

Guess what? It’s not. Because for me, and most humans in this toxic age, perfect health doesn’t exist. Good health exists. Better health exists. Happiness exists. Good food and good meals exist. Eating without any stress exists. Laughter and joy exists. Good sleep exists. Eating what your body wants exists. Lower stress exists.

My life is better, my health is better, my metabolism, appetite, ease, and happiness: all better. But perfect health isn’t a part of that equation, because perfect health doesn’t exist.

Better health and happiness is probably waiting for you. But first: Let Go.

Annnnd…. Fuck It.

PS. If this doesn’t apply to you… great! Not everything applies to everyone. I still encourage you to Fuck It when it comes to dieting, and enjoy your life. You can still drink all the Kale smoothies you want. I love Kale Smoothies.