Ok ok ok, sure sure sure — paying attention to what you are eating, and enjoying it, and really tasting your food and feeling for satiation is never a BAD thing, especially when it makes you happy and feel good.

But the rules of “mindful eating” or “intuitive eating” are stressful and unhelpful and you should throw them away. You don’t have to pay attention when you eat.

I used to get so stressed about whether I was eating too fast or not paying attention enough or not keeping each bite in my mouth long enough or whatever. Then when I was sort of satiated I would stressedly stop so I didn’t overeat, and then I would be hungry 45 minutes later.

That is a nice way to spend your entire day eating very slow tiny bites. Which is not much of a life.

Paying attention to what you eat will never hurt, but it is not the be-all-end-all.

Eating should be EASY. It should not take hours and should not take much thought at all!

You can eat that brownie fast. You can eat it fast and be hungry still and get another one, and eat that one fast too. Then you may take a third and eat that one fast as well and maybe stop near the end when you feel like you may feel full. Or maybe you eat 5 brownies til you feel full. That is normal and that is fine. Hungry people eat fast. You are supposed to. It is FINE.

We have made eating too stressy.

Maybe afterwards you’ll think- wow I wish I enjoyed those brownies more. Or maybe you won’t. Maybe you enjoyed them just fine and you enjoyed eating them fast. Either way: WHATEVER.

Then you will be full, or very full, or slightly full for a time. That time will pass and you will get hungry again. Maybe in 45 minutes because your body really wanted some protein too. Or maybe in 4 hours because you ate lots of the perfect thing for you at that time.

Your body is SO SMART that you don’t even need to pay close attention to your eating. You don’t NEED to meditate on every bite. You just don’t need to. You CAN! Sure! But you can do whatever the hell you want.

Your body is smart enough to know to stop eating. Food is less desirable when you aren’t hungry anymore. And once you aren’t afraid of food or eating, non-desirable food won’t need to be quickly snuck into your body for fear you’ll never get it again.

Fuck It.

And as much as disordered eating is physical thing, it is even more a mental thing.

If you find yourself very attached the the idea of being _______________ “perfect”, “thin”, “skinny”, “beautiful”, “healthy”, “powerful”, “glowing”, etc.

Or if giving over to normal eating is too hard because you feel like in the process you are losing control of whatever word you insert above, do this exercise:

Take your word from above, whatever the thing is that you are petrified to lose or lose control over, that thing that you ACHE for. The thing that you feel would make everything RIGHT if you could just have it.

Then ask yourself, Why do I want to be ________________. 

Imagine your life that way. Imagine how you would look, how you would dress, what you would do, how you would feel, how you would BE. Imagine it in great detail and write down at least 10 specific ways YOU would feel different. Take your time with this, and don’t edit. There are no right or wrong or petty answers. Some may be brilliant and insightful and some may be silly. Write as much as you want. Fantasize. Imagine. Have fun.When you have your list, look at it and go over the items. These are the things that you really want, more than the word in your fill in the blank.

Then decide if any of those things you can go for now and be now, without worrying about getting to that ached for perfection first. Then make a list of the ways you could make those feelings and new ways you would be happen now: today, tomorrow.

***

What we really want, what we really think skinniness or beauty will give us, is happiness.

We really just want to be vibrant and awesome and authentic and happy. We want great friends, we want to laugh, we want to speak our truths, we want to give our gifts, we want to be heard and special and alive. Being pretty or skinny or buff or “in perfect health” or “powerful” are all just things we imagine will get us what we want: happiness. But I swear to baby jesus and abraham and a rubber urban outfitters statue of buddha: it will not.

You can become society’s definition of gorgeous and be more miserable than ever. In fact, that happens more often than not, because what you were going after doesn’t come with anything real except more self-criticism, and you’re still relying on their approval. Perfectionism has no stopping point.

Do it NOW. Make plans for tomorrow to do all the things you say you’ll do once you become _____________________.

I promise you that is the only way to really live.

Now.

Fuck.

It.