Food is Not Your Weakness

There was a long time where I believed that my inability to have (robotic) control over food was my biggest weakness. I filed it away as an indisputable fact that: Me + Food = Failure. It didn’t help that my mother also firmly believed this as well about me, and constantly implored me to overcome my addiction to food. For the sake of my health. And weight.

Worry over my “food weakness” and “addiction” then led to action: a continuous attempted (and sometimes successful) robot-like relationship with food. Until it backfired, of course. But, to my detriment, I was actually very “good” and robotic for months on end. I treated myself and food like a math equation, and reveled in the success of doing something ‘perfectly’. I was very good at eating the food in the “Allowed” column, and shunning, fearing and preaching against the food in the “Avoid” column.

Let’s not forget that this created the girl who eventually needed to give herself (a few) orthorexia interventions and eventually start a site devoted to helping people avoid and overcome orthorexia and diet mentality. Because, in the end, that life of feeling extremely in control with food, and then subsequently extremely out of control with food, was miserable. It wasn’t really living at all.

A recovery journey like this is a long one- and I couldn’t say that I am finished. And now the arguably harder journey has become accepting a body that doesn’t fit into my previous idea of “acceptable”. But as far as food goes, I know without a doubt that de-villainizing food is essential for a whole, nourishing existence.

Eating food is not a weakness. And you do not have a food addiction that needs to be conquered. That mentality will only push you further and further into a relationship that does not serve you.

If you feel like you ‘can’t get enough of food’ it is for the following reasons. You either:

1. Really aren’t getting enough food, still.

2. Never got enough food, and so now your body is going to make sure it does and-then-some, until it can trust that it will be fed

3. Or both.

 

Once you feed yourself with trust for the purpose of nourishment and make a commitment to accept yourself during the process- the other reasons for emotional eating will be easier to identify with and cope with. Once you are living in a nourished body and can be counted on to feed yourself plentifully and wholesomely, the rest is a lot easier to bear.

If you have always felt like food is your weakness, believe me when I say it is not the food. It is your relationship with the food. The fear of it only perpetuates the dysfunction.

Food can end up being your strength. And it can be a nourishing cornerstone in your life and your emotional health.

10 comments

  1. Amanda says:

    Hi Caroline,

    I can tell we read some of the same blogs 🙂 and I hope your transitions have smoothed out some since the last post.

    Now that I am obsessing less about food I really see how a dieting mentality gave the food a lot of power. I feel much more comfortable with eating whatever I want, and how much I want. Eating to satisfaction is pleasant. I don’t binge or overeat of any of those things when I feed myself enough. Unfortunately it has come with unwanted and (to me) unneeded weight gain, and that is really hard. Since I do eat pretty well, I’m not sure why I am gaining, though it seems to have stopped at about 10 lbs. I am not letting it make me change my eating or exercise habits though. I’m going to continue to do what feels right for my body, and maybe see an MD if I keep gaining.

  2. Sonya says:

    Hi Caroline,
    I have just started reading your blog and am loving it! My history with food is almost identical to yours, and after trying Paleo/primal for the last 6 months and now feeling miserable, I have got to the point where I too am saying ‘fuck it! – I am so tired of counting macronutrients and worrying that the apple I ate today with lunch had too much fructose…there has to be more to life than this!!!
    Keep up the great work 🙂
    Sonya

  3. Hello, so glad i read this… i love food and i am a girl. and it is really painful if you keep yourself from things you love. i am also dieting because of my weight is a little bit over the acceptable range for my height. i really do not like dieting.

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