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“How do I get to a place where I am confident enough to tune out diet culture? (When it’s …everywhere?)”

The truth of the matter is that weight loss and diet talk are everywhere. It’s actually, in many ways, the definition of diet culture: a culture where dieting and weight loss attempts are the norm – and are everywhere.

But when it gets hard, or when we don’t feel so great, or so confident, we wonder if we’ve made a mistake. If maybe, the diet that your co-worker is now on is maybe the one you should have tried before you gave up dieting. You wonder… maybe… maybe I really didn’t give it my all. Maybe I really was happier then.

I don’t think it’s much about “tuning out diet culture” as it is about being super honest with ourselves when we start to get pulled in by the siren song … what are we looking for? What are we craving or missing that we think intermittent fasting is going to give us? What beliefs might be rearing their head? It’s an opportunity to look at how our minds work, get some more awareness, and do some more healing.

One of the big core fears, (or beliefs if you will) is the fear that when we stop dieting, “we are not taking care of ourselves”. That dieting is responsible, and not dieting is irresponsible. And when we are having a rough day or a rough week, or new or recurring health woes, wanting just want to know that we are taking care of things and taking care of ourselves. Feeling responsible is often what we are craving.

And nobody will stop talking about how responsible dieting is.

So… we panic. Oh no. Oh no. Maybe I really should be intermittent fasting. Maybe I really would be happier and healthier if I were on keto. Maybe I should be intermittent fasting and doing keto.

Dieting is not the answer. And dieting is not a cure-all. And dieting is wired to backfire. It’s even not so good for us long term. So if you’re having trouble remembering that, remind yourself:

“Why did I stop dieting in the first place?” Answer the question. If that doesn’t remind you (or if you haven’t actually stopped yet…), start reading. Read The F*ck It Diet. Read Body Respect. Read or listen to whatever helped you wake up and snap out of it in the first place.

And then, ask yourself: “How can I make sure I’m taking care of myself today?”

Health is not a black-and-white thing. Sometimes all we want to know is that we are, in fact, taking care of ourselves, and in the moment we sometimes assume that a diet is best (or only) way to do that. (It’s not.)

So, take a moment. Ask, “what can I do to take care of myself today?”

Maybe the answer is to take a walk. Maybe the answer is to lie down. Maybe the answer is to cry. Maybe the answer is to call a friend. Maybe the answer is to cancel plans. Maybe the answer is to make plans. Maybe the answer is to stretch. Maybe the answer is to eat two pieces of cake. Maybe the answer is to go grocery shopping for vegetables and sauté them up. Maybe the answer is to make a doctor’s appointment. It doesn’t matter what the answer is, but ask yourself what little thing you can do to take care of yourself today, and then do it! Even if it’s just: take two deep breaths!

The Holidays are here, and with them will come … lots of diet talk. If you haven’t read the book yet, you can check read the beginning and get some other helpful intro lessons from here. And if you’ve read the book you can get lots of resources to support next steps over here.

Show Notes:

0:00 – New podcast music!: “Extremely Sneaky Cat”

7:00 – Q&A: How do I tune out diet Culture?

16:52 – Story about how my sweet angel dog got attacked on Thanksgiving and how I’m now traumatized, but realized I was traumatized right after, because I’m fascinated by how trauma works. (+ lots of musings on trauma). And I just realized that I talked about this for 44 minutes on this podcast….

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Hello cruel world, I am back.

I’ve been on a sort-of hiatus from writing these posts, and from podcasting – even though I spend approximately 9 hours a day on instagram, and tried to go on a vacation but still posted on instagram every day.

I also tried to say to myself: “Caroline, why don’t you just relax and not worry about what you’re going to do next. You just spent 3 years on a book, you just released the book, people are reading it, buying it, loving it. And you just ran the book course in the summer. Just chill.” And I listen to myself and I say, “Ok, I’ll chill, but first let me figure out xyz and post xyz and bring back a more legit version of the podcast, and run an even better version of the group, and figure out my second book and …”

This is sort of similar to telling yourself you’re allowed to eat and then judging yourself for every little thing you put in your mouth. Telling yourself you’re allowed to relax and then worrying that you’re really not allowed to be relaxing because you haven’t figured everything out yet.

News flash: Everything will never be figured out. And what I mean by that is: as soon as you figure things out there will be new things to figure out.

I am trying to take my own advice. And trying to let myself float in the metaphorical pool.

I don’t usually start these posts with a diary entry like I just did, I usually get right to my F* It Diet advice. So let’s do it. Here we go.

This is one of the most asked questions since my book came out by both book readers and by people new to my site or my instagram:

AM I ALLOWED TO BE VEGETARIAN/(OR VEGAN) ON TFID?!?

Short answer: Yes.

But there is also a long answer. There is always a long answer.

Long answer: It is totally possible to be vegetarian, or vegan, for the right reasons🌹. But (BIG but), when you are dealing with chronic dieting, disordered eating, or eating disorders, it is rarely (fully) for the right reasons.

EVEN IF you tell yourself you are only being vegetarian for ethical reasons, if you have some sort of eating issue, then a disordered and fear-based reason for being vegetarian is often tangled in with your ethical reasons. A lot of people hide their disordered eating, even from themselves, behind vegetarianism or other moralistic ways to eat, and call themselves responsible, instead of acknowledging it is still a manifestation of control issues.

A lot of people recovering from eating disorders adopt veganism or vegetarianism as a sort of buffer, because it feels safe. “Ok I’ll eat more, but I’ll only eat ___________”. It’s another (socially acceptable) set of rules and another way to exert some control over your eating that makes you feel safe. It’s understandable. And it’s common. But there is still more to unpack on the reasons why you are eating the way you are eating.

It’s also a common expression of orthorexia (a fear of impurity and a disordered worry about food and health.)

Here is a barometer: if you are doing it because you genuinely care, but you don’t feel any sort of stress over slipping up and eating some soup with a little butter or stock in it, then it’s closer to a healthy relationship for you.

If you are trying to be vegetarian or vegan and you over worry, over think, over scrutinize menus, and get panicked when think you might have eaten something that doesn’t fit your rules, that’s a big sign that there is something else going on, and that being vegetarian might not actually be the healthiest for you at the time.

So! If you are recovering from dieting or disordered eating, and want to be vegetarian (or vegan) for whatever reason, I would say: see if you are willing to go through a time where you are either not vegetarian or vegan, or in the very least, see if you can stop being stressed or over-worried about it.

Sustainability matters, but your mental health matters too. It isn’t mutually exclusive.

This is a matter of constant checking in on why we do the things we do, eat the things we eat, and avoid the foods we avoid.

SHOW NOTES:

(In the podcast episode attached to this, I read the last blog post too about diabetes and PCOS, I recommended Julie Duffy Dillon’s PCOS and Food Peace Course (I am an affiliate! It’s a great resource!)