Tag: Eating

When You Worry You’re Being Irresponsible

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“How do I get to a place where I am confident enough to tune out diet culture? (When it’s …everywhere?)”

The truth of the matter is that weight loss and diet talk are everywhere. It’s actually, in many ways, the definition of diet culture: a culture where dieting and weight loss attempts are the norm – and are everywhere.

But when it gets hard, or when we don’t feel so great, or so confident, we wonder if we’ve made a mistake. If maybe, the diet that your co-worker is now on is maybe the one you should have tried before you gave up dieting. You wonder… maybe… maybe I really didn’t give it my all. Maybe I really was happier then.

I don’t think it’s much about “tuning out diet culture” as it is about being super honest with ourselves when we start to get pulled in by the siren song … what are we looking for? What are we craving or missing that we think intermittent fasting is going to give us? What beliefs might be rearing their head? It’s an opportunity to look at how our minds work, get some more awareness, and do some more healing.

One of the big core fears, (or beliefs if you will) is the fear that when we stop dieting, “we are not taking care of ourselves”. That dieting is responsible, and not dieting is irresponsible. And when we are having a rough day or a rough week, or new or recurring health woes, wanting just want to know that we are taking care of things and taking care of ourselves. Feeling responsible is often what we are craving.

And nobody will stop talking about how responsible dieting is.

So… we panic. Oh no. Oh no. Maybe I really should be intermittent fasting. Maybe I really would be happier and healthier if I were on keto. Maybe I should be intermittent fasting and doing keto.

Dieting is not the answer. And dieting is not a cure-all. And dieting is wired to backfire. It’s even not so good for us long term. So if you’re having trouble remembering that, remind yourself:

“Why did I stop dieting in the first place?” Answer the question. If that doesn’t remind you (or if you haven’t actually stopped yet…), start reading. Read The F*ck It Diet. Read Body Respect. Read or listen to whatever helped you wake up and snap out of it in the first place.

And then, ask yourself: “How can I make sure I’m taking care of myself today?”

Health is not a black-and-white thing. Sometimes all we want to know is that we are, in fact, taking care of ourselves, and in the moment we sometimes assume that a diet is best (or only) way to do that. (It’s not.)

So, take a moment. Ask, “what can I do to take care of myself today?”

Maybe the answer is to take a walk. Maybe the answer is to lie down. Maybe the answer is to cry. Maybe the answer is to call a friend. Maybe the answer is to cancel plans. Maybe the answer is to make plans. Maybe the answer is to stretch. Maybe the answer is to eat two pieces of cake. Maybe the answer is to go grocery shopping for vegetables and sauté them up. Maybe the answer is to make a doctor’s appointment. It doesn’t matter what the answer is, but ask yourself what little thing you can do to take care of yourself today, and then do it! Even if it’s just: take two deep breaths!

The Holidays are here, and with them will come … lots of diet talk. If you haven’t read the book yet, you can check read the beginning and get some other helpful intro lessons from here. And if you’ve read the book you can get lots of resources to support next steps over here.

Show Notes:

0:00 – New podcast music!: “Extremely Sneaky Cat”

7:00 – Q&A: How do I tune out diet Culture?

16:52 – Story about how my sweet angel dog got attacked on Thanksgiving and how I’m now traumatized, but realized I was traumatized right after, because I’m fascinated by how trauma works. (+ lots of musings on trauma). And I just realized that I talked about this for 44 minutes on this podcast….

What About Vegetarianism?!?!?!?!?!?!?

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Hello cruel world, I am back.

I’ve been on a sort-of hiatus from writing these posts, and from podcasting – even though I spend approximately 9 hours a day on instagram, and tried to go on a vacation but still posted on instagram every day.

I also tried to say to myself: “Caroline, why don’t you just relax and not worry about what you’re going to do next. You just spent 3 years on a book, you just released the book, people are reading it, buying it, loving it. And you just ran the book course in the summer. Just chill.” And I listen to myself and I say, “Ok, I’ll chill, but first let me figure out xyz and post xyz and bring back a more legit version of the podcast, and run an even better version of the group, and figure out my second book and …”

This is sort of similar to telling yourself you’re allowed to eat and then judging yourself for every little thing you put in your mouth. Telling yourself you’re allowed to relax and then worrying that you’re really not allowed to be relaxing because you haven’t figured everything out yet.

News flash: Everything will never be figured out. And what I mean by that is: as soon as you figure things out there will be new things to figure out.

I am trying to take my own advice. And trying to let myself float in the metaphorical pool.

I don’t usually start these posts with a diary entry like I just did, I usually get right to my F* It Diet advice. So let’s do it. Here we go.

This is one of the most asked questions since my book came out by both book readers and by people new to my site or my instagram:

AM I ALLOWED TO BE VEGETARIAN/(OR VEGAN) ON TFID?!?

Short answer: Yes.

But there is also a long answer. There is always a long answer.

Long answer: It is totally possible to be vegetarian, or vegan, for the right reasons????. But (BIG but), when you are dealing with chronic dieting, disordered eating, or eating disorders, it is rarely (fully) for the right reasons.

EVEN IF you tell yourself you are only being vegetarian for ethical reasons, if you have some sort of eating issue, then a disordered and fear-based reason for being vegetarian is often tangled in with your ethical reasons. A lot of people hide their disordered eating, even from themselves, behind vegetarianism or other moralistic ways to eat, and call themselves responsible, instead of acknowledging it is still a manifestation of control issues.

A lot of people recovering from eating disorders adopt veganism or vegetarianism as a sort of buffer, because it feels safe. “Ok I’ll eat more, but I’ll only eat ___________”. It’s another (socially acceptable) set of rules and another way to exert some control over your eating that makes you feel safe. It’s understandable. And it’s common. But there is still more to unpack on the reasons why you are eating the way you are eating.

It’s also a common expression of orthorexia (a fear of impurity and a disordered worry about food and health.)

Here is a barometer: if you are doing it because you genuinely care, but you don’t feel any sort of stress over slipping up and eating some soup with a little butter or stock in it, then it’s closer to a healthy relationship for you.

If you are trying to be vegetarian or vegan and you over worry, over think, over scrutinize menus, and get panicked when think you might have eaten something that doesn’t fit your rules, that’s a big sign that there is something else going on, and that being vegetarian might not actually be the healthiest for you at the time.

So! If you are recovering from dieting or disordered eating, and want to be vegetarian (or vegan) for whatever reason, I would say: see if you are willing to go through a time where you are either not vegetarian or vegan, or in the very least, see if you can stop being stressed or over-worried about it.

Sustainability matters, but your mental health matters too. It isn’t mutually exclusive.

This is a matter of constant checking in on why we do the things we do, eat the things we eat, and avoid the foods we avoid.

SHOW NOTES:

(In the podcast episode attached to this, I read the last blog post too about diabetes and PCOS, I recommended Julie Duffy Dillon’s PCOS and Food Peace Course (I am an affiliate! It’s a great resource!)

Can I Stop Dieting Even If I Have Diabetes or PCOS???

Hello hellooooooo! I’ve been on a little podcast hiatus since the release of my book The F*ck It Diet. This was the first official hiatus (had unofficial hiatuses before) but the pod will be returning in the fall! Season… 2? Season 5? Seasonless?

But! In the meanwhile, I want to address a common question I get, both from people who’ve read the book, loved it, but are nervous that it doesn’t apply to them because of health. And people who want to read the book, but aren’t sure if the book/ and TFID in general will apply to them because of a health problem that they are (understandably) convinced makes them an exception.

Before I talk more about health problems (specifically PCOS and Diabetes), let’s do a little overview of The F*ck It Diet (TFID) to catch us all up to speed.

Quick & Dirty TFID Overview

Restriction of food amounts, or certain kinds of food (like carbs), lowers our metabolism, makes us hungrier and fixated on food, wires us to binge to make up for the restriction, and can cause a host of other health problems the longer we restrict.

Bingeing is actually happening for a reason, it is corrective and meant to restore our body to metabolic balance, but we rarely let that happen, because we usually put ourselves back on another diet.

Bingeing can even happen when we think we should be going on a diet, almost like the body is either fighting against the diet you’re about to go on, or trying to gorge before the impending starvation.

Bingeing is not actually the problem. Bingeing is happening in response to alllll of the crazy things we are doing in the name of weight loss and “health.”

Fear mongering about weight gain and “the obesity epidemic” is tackling the wrong problem, and adding to our culture’s pervasive weight stigma, which is ironically very bad for our health.

Our focus on weight and weight loss, either thinking it’s necessary for health, or to fit in with the cultural thin ideals, is the thing that keeps us in the cycle of dieting and bingeing, and fearing our hunger, and ultimately ends up being really bad for us. (Not to mention it’s can be dehumanizing, cruel, and dismissive to people in larger bodies.)

Emotional eating is not the same as bingeing, though they often overlap. Emotional eating is really normal and human, a perfectly acceptable way to soothe yourself. Emotional eating isn’t a problem in and of itself, it’s only a problem if it is the only coping mechanism we have. Emotional eating often leads to bingeing because we feel so guilty about emotional eating, that it spins out of control. We need to eat, and we need to feel, but feeling guilty about eating – even emotional eating – is actually the problem (way more about this in my book)

We are all so afraid that food is a drug (it isn’t), but the big paradox is that dieting, restricting, feeling guilty over food, and being in a suppressed metabolic state (constantly dieting and bingeing and weight cycling) does make us fixated on food. And it does make our relationship to food more addictive, and makes food give us more of a “high”, because our body is rewarding us for finally eating. What that means is that restricting and dieting makes you way more likely to “use food” to soothe yourself. The problem isn’t the food, it’s the dieting. It’s the cycle. Food is not the problem.

The F*ck It Diet book explains this wayyyyy more thoroughly and articulately (and it’s funnier). And not only will it explain the problem with dieting better, but it will also teach you what to do about it. It’s my course in book form.

Ok. So, now to the actual point of this post: WHAT ABOUT HEALTH PROBLEMS THAT REQUIRE DIETING?!?!?!?!??!?!??!

Everybody is different. Chronic illness is a huge burden and a huge drag, and I support everyone eating however they need to stay functional. Don’t eat food you’re allergic to. And though a lot of people who diet have some very amorphous and made up “food intolerances” that are worth getting over, food intolerances do exist, and if you feel better on certain foods, please, eat what makes you feel right. You can step out of food restriction, while still avoiding the foods that your body rejects.

In a way, that is more cut and dry. Are you allergic to peanuts? Shellfish? Gluten? Don’t eat them. Does that take extra work? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. But the trick is to make sure you are eating enough food that you can eat, and do the work around other food beliefs, especially weight/health beliefs. If you can heal the unnecessary and unhelpful diet culture beliefs, you will still be way better off than before.

But the two big health problems that people become convinced require dieting are PCOS and Diabetes.

PCOS

PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) is a complex hormonal and metabolic syndrome that most doctors do not understand and over-diagnose, or misdiagnose, or mistreat. I was diagnosed with PCOS in high school, and told to diet and ‘not gain weight’, and that was honestly the worst thing I could have been told to do. It set me up for a ten year yo-yo diet/disordered eating extravaganza, that made my health, stress, blood sugar and hormones way worse. PCOS is often associated with weight gain and insulin resistance, so instead of understanding and communicating with patients that it is one of the symptoms of the overall syndrome, they focus on weight, food, and weight loss, which will probably make your relationship with food, and overall health, worse.

The other thing that is rarely focused on, is that stress (and under eating/focusing on weight loss) can worsen insulin resistance. The idea is to get out of the diet yo/yo, support your body’s insulin response with supplements and/or drugs and/or lifestyle (sleep, etc!), and focus on ways to support your body to function the best way it can. Dieting and focusing on weight loss is not the best way to do that.

Even though I was diagnosed with PCOS over 15 years ago, I am not an expert on the nuances of everyone’s different experience with PCOS. I highly recommend Julie Duffy Dillon’s PCOS and Food Peace Course (I am an affiliate! But I would be pointing you towards her course even if I wasn’t!). It is calming, it simplifies everything, and teaches you how to support your body, while expressly not dieting.

DIABETES

Diabetes does require paying attention to your blood sugar, and if you have diabetes and are trying to step away from diet culture, I recommend you work with an anti-diet RD to help guide the beginning of the process for you. But it is important to debunk a lot of the myths about diabetes (especially type 2) that keep people feeling guilty, afraid of food, and focused on weight.

Type 2 diabetes is not “caused by sugar” and cutting out all sugar isn’t going to cure it either. Being a higher weight also doesn’t “cause” diabetes. Lots of people in thinner bodies have diabetes, too. It’s not a personal failing, it’s a chronic illness, and genetics play a huge part. And it’s not only possible, but probably beneficial to step out of disordered eating and under-eating when you have diabetes (or “pre-diabetes”). I highly recommend starting with Lauren Newman’s account on instagram, and working with a non-diet dietitian if you are diabetic, for your support, and for your own peace of mind.

When the podcast comes back, one of the things I want to do, is to go deeper into these topics with people who specialize in non-diet approaches for different health issues as well as people in diverse bodies who have stepped out of diet culture. If you have never listened to the podcast, you can find out different ways to listen here. And subscribe so you’ll be notified and easily access the new episodes when the podcast comes back!

For now, if you haven’t read my book… read my book! It explains how we’ve all culturally become so messed up with food, it debunks lots of subconscious myths about food and health that actually keep us feeling fixated on food, and teaches you how to step out of the cycle. It also goes way deeper into how to approach emotional eating and bingeing. And! Lots of Registered Dietitians and Therapists are recommending it to their clients, which is honestly more than I could have ever asked for.

If you have already read my book, download the resource list! There are lots of practitioners and inspiring accounts to follow. Plus I’ll send you a free Q&A workshop replay, and other content I cut from the book!

More soon, byyyyyyyye!